Tuesday, February 28, 2006


I like Cornershop Man, who runs his business with an oddly detached amusement, as though he stepped in one day on his way to an art installation, found the real owner dead, and decided to run the shop himself, as a kind of absurdist prank.


CSM: Buying a pack of instant noodles, I see.
Me: Yes.
CSM: Ah, noodles. The old 'noodle'.

Long pause while I try and think of a response. Eventually I nod, and CSM brightens up.

CSM: The meal that's ready in but a moment.
Me: Yes.
CSM: Just add hot water.
Me: Indeed.
CSM: And a carrot.
Me: Um....

Another long pause.

CSM: Well goodbye then.
Me: Goodbye.

I had them with small fried cubes of chorizo in the end. And spring onions. With a egg dropped in. 'Carrot' indeed, the man's a lunatic.


Taiga the Fox said...

I think CSM desperately wanted to rememeber this line: Does the rabbit like a nice big carrot?

Anonymous said...

carrot in noodles? the man is a lnatic I really would not put it past him to have killed the shop owner before taking his place.

Abaculus said...

CSM is also the abbreviation for Company Stage Manager in theatrical speak, so maybe he's a thesp. That would explain all the flourish.

Anonymous said...

Perfection in a blog post format. Thank you once again, chat bleue.

Although... if he's Cornershop Man and not Corner Shop Man, shouldn't he be CM? Or does that stand for something else? (Chestnut Mushrooms? Chant Mellifluously? Or, perhaps more sinisterly, Carrot Man?)

Anonymous said...

Not noodle related, but look...!

From Broadcast Freelancer:

Channel 4 has recommissioned Friday night comedies Peep Show and The IT Crowd.
The future of Peep Show had been hanging in the balance after the third series of the comedy dropped to an average of just 1.3 million (6%) viewers, despite an extensive marketing campaign.

C4 sources said director of television Kevin Lygo wanted to secure its stars David Mitchell and Robert Webb for a sketch show. However the duo will now return for another 6 x 30-minutes series of the sitcom. It is unclear when the fourth series, made by Objective Productions, will go into production or be scheduled.

surly girl said...

that's just a posh pot noodle, isn't it? chorizo indeed.


James Henry said...

I believe it's not only posh but also very gay indeed, although I shall have to wait until the official fat wheezing adjudictor arrives to make his big lisping announcement.

Paul Pennyfeather said...

Sorry- been out looking at shiny things and talking about boys and make-up.

James- spicy spanish sausage is gay.

James Henry said...


Unknown said...

British chorizo indeed.

I've stumbled on your blog this evening and it just so happens I talked on the phone with a screenwriter today. I've written a novel. I'd like for a screenwriter to adapt it to a screenplay but they all expect to get paid thousands of dollars up front. When I respond that I expected to share in the proceeds when and if the screenplay is sold, they run as fast as they can in the other direction. I suppose I can't blame them.

James Henry said...

I would definitely want thousands of dollars/pounds/ecru up front, as would any reputable screenwriter, I'm afraid. The chances of any screenplay actually being made, even with the major studios, is so slim, up front is the only way to go.

The chorizo was Spanish, by the way, although my local deli does a fine line in smoked boar sausages. Yum.