Monday, September 26, 2005

I've actually said 'crikey'. In real life.

Fantastic screenwriting blog, and it's only been going two months. He can swear properly too, which is something I've dabbled with but never been able to pull off. When I get drunk I sound like Emma Thompson, and when I swear, I sound like, well, Emma Thompson, swearing. It's an odd thing.

The only bad thing about the blog is the white writing on a black background, which has the same effect as when you've been to the optician's when you're about thirteen and she shines that light in your eyes, and says 'now look over my shoulder', and you can smell her hair, and later on stagger out into the street blinded by what you think might be love, but turns out to be slightly singed corneas.

Agent Sarah sent me a pack of extremely high-quality ground coffee, to get me through the final two weeks of finishing the book, for which she too will forever have a special place in my heart. I was aiming for the end of September, but that's not going to happen, so I've booked a small flat in St. Ives for the first week in October so I can be away from all distractions, and write the crap out of it. I'm sort of at the two-thirds mark, but I'm not entirely clear what that mark is, as there's about three plot points that mark the final third of the book, and if I was cleverer, I'd have made them all take place at the same time, in the same room, but I'm not, so I didn't. Goshdarnit.

I will however be breaking my self-imposed artistic exile after... one day. To play Dungeons and Dragons (in a place called Mount Hawke, which sounds appropriately like a huge brooding castle, perched on the edge of a demon-haunted moor, and strangely enough, that's exactly what it is*). One of the guys who plays is a policeman, and last night had the added bonus that he came straight after work, and sat there in full uniform rolling dice while his radio rattled off details of minor rural crimes. It was like a particularly good Big Train sketch, and at one point I had to go into the kitchen and quietly hug myself with glee. At least I assume it was straight after work. Maybe one of the other players needed to be kept under observation or something, making it the least subtle stakeout in the history of the world. Hmm.

Celebrity Gamers. None of them come as a shock particularly, apart from Faruzia Balk, who I've always rather like, being slightly partial to a Wonky Mouth. Bruce Willis plays Warhammer, too. Seriouslah.

I'm going to have some more coffee now. Wheeee!

*It's not really, obviously. It's a small village composed principally of outdoor** garages and rhodedendrons.

** All right, detached garages. Garages on their own. Garages, to quote Izzard, with no fixed portfolio.


Anonymous said...

"The only bad thing about the blog is the white writing on a black background..."

Use an aggregator to read blogs and such - makes the whole process much easier (I find).

Have fun in St Ives!

irony in motion said...

Or, just highlight the text. I have to do that on those sites where the people think that putting pale yellow on white or dark blue on dark purple looks really nice.

Anonymous said...

Quick way: if you go to Edit on your toolbar, and do Select All (or you can press CTRL+A), it will highlight the whole page for you.

Anyway, get back to writing, we await the Cabinet with barely contained excitement!!!

Danny Stack said...

Good luck with finishing the book James. Very exciting.

Anonymous said...

Hi James,

I just wondered what research you undertook before tackling a children's novel?

Best of luck with its completion!

Anonymous said...

I'm always impressed by the self-discipline of people who write, especially books and longer tele/cinematographical works.

Awaiting the book with bated (and even slightly awed) breath...

[of course, you could always get Toy-Fu published in paper form by someone like Cafepress ( like Tatsyua Ishida did for Sinfest ( for a quick fix for your devoted fans :o)]

Anonymous said...

Mmmmmmm. Emma Thompson swearing.

Oh, wait, did I say that out loud?

Anonymous said...

Not to be churlish after your post has made me laugh so, but on reflection, "outdoor garages" would seem to me to be driveways.

Can't help feeling that one or two of the benefits of a garage are somewhat lost when you do away with the walls and roof.

(I'm just off to wallow in the vast gloop of my own facetiousness. Back in five.)

cello said...

Bit late to be adding this. But just wanted to say a few words in praise of 'crikey'. I also think 'blimey','flippin' heck' and 'flaming Nora' deserve more recognition as expletives for the discerning swearer. Nothing wrong with the others necessarily, just a little bit ubiquitous. And it's surprisingly easy to train yourself to say them in place of the supposedly more offensive ones, which is useful when minors are around. That's people under 16, not people who dig coal, for any dyslexic readers.