Skype meetings

I’d already had one meeting with two television producers, to discuss a two page outline I’d written for a series based in Cornwall, about people who work with the sea, specifically the coastal bits of it, although I’ve probably said too much already.

That first meeting had gone very well. We’d discussed tone, plot, the central character’s emotional arc (I’d remembered to suggest he had one, I don’t always), and we’d all gone away content we were going to start making something amazing.

However, just to make sure, a Skype meeting had been arranged, for a couple of weeks later. I’d put aside forty minutes, maybe even an hour. This was going to be done properly. And after five or so minutes of chit-chat, we got right down to it.

PRODUCER 1: ….so, what we need to discuss is how we see this show developing. Where it goes. Where the characters go, and where we, the audience, go.

PRODUCER 2:  As well where we, the makers of the show, go.

PRODUCER 1: Well obviously. Also the feel. What kind of feel does it have?

ME: Cool! Well, I see this as having a Seventies thriller kind of vibe. A bit Desmond Bagley, Robert Ludlum, Frederick Forsythe maybe? So-

PRODUCER 1: Oh.

PRODUCER 2: Hmm.

ME: (desperately tacking in the opposite direction) Although obviously more contemporary than that. Technology’s going to play a big part in it, so-

PRODUCER 1: Sure, sure.

PRODUCER 2: Sure.

PRODUCER 1: Hmm.

LONG SILENCE.

ME: That’s not how you saw it at all, is it?

PRODUCER 1: No.

PRODUCER 2: Not really.

ME: Shall we leave it then?

PRODUCER 1: Let’s do that.

ME: Right okay cheers then.

I press Control and Q on my keyboard, which turns off the Skype app. And tells me the call has lasted exactly seven minutes.

ME: OH FOR FUCK’S-

A gentle ‘ding’ from the laptop as the Skype actually turns off.

ME: (weakly) - sake….