Some conversations with your parents you just have to write down before you forget them:
MUM: Ooh, there was a play on the radio about a comedy scriptwriter yesterday.
ME: Oh right?
MUM: Yes, he was out of work.
MUM: Because you can't say 'An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman..' any more, because of political correctness.
ME: Or possibly, those jokes just aren't that-
DAD: -or nig-nogs.
DAD: You can't say 'a wog, a nig-nog, and a woo-woo...'
ME: A 'woo-woo'?
ME: You made that up.
DAD: (suddenly distracted) Apparently, it says here in the Daily Mail, a women was arrested for throwing a cucumber at her brother.
MUM: I'm sure I've thrown much worse things than cucumbers at my brother.
ME: Oh my god.
Still, he gave me a very nice bottle of wine for tonight, so all is forgiven. Still, if there's any gorgeous sistahs out there who'd like to freak my dad out, could you come over to my parents' with me and pretend to be my girlfriend? It would be hilarious. Well, for me. Actually, I'm sure Dad would be very charming, and you'd probably get an excellent bottle of wine.
Maybe I should drag David McAlmont over, for double points. He hasn't released an album for ages, so he's probably up for it...
(I should have asked him what the rest of the joke was. But I have a feeling he might have seen the project through, and that would have been worse...)