Monday, March 21, 2005

British chaps: using foul insults as friendly banter since 1677

Feeling guilty about that earlier post now. Probably ought to say that my dad is a lovely, lovely man, and I'm pretty sure says stuff like that just to wind me up. And in case it sounds like I'm portraying myself as some kind of paragon of liberal sensitivity, I should all in all honesty relate the tale of when I took my friend and Canterbury bookshop colleague Matt C up to London Village to a showbiz partah.

Any cred points I might have hoped to accrued were somewhat dashed after we came out of the pub we'd decided to pop into on the way, and an archetypal Large Black Man waved over at us.

LBM: You guys want a ride?
ME: Matt, we have to go! He's offering us a stolen car!

Long pause.

MATT: Mate, he's a minicab driver.

Equally long pause.

ME: Oh.
MATT: Christ, you really are from Cornwall, aren't you?

I always felt the momentum of the evening never quite recovered from that point.

Anyway, I'm heading back up to London tomorrow (I'm much more sophisticated now - I'm aware that Charing Cross and Embankment are practically the same station, for example). Wednesday I'll be in Agent Ginny's office, phoning the film production company to see if my screenplay has rung all the right bells. Or, more likely, failed to even ring the wrong ones. Maybe it's better to try and get the hang of London before I go traipsing off to LA.

Wouldn't want to put their insurance up or anything.

NB: PP called while I was writing this, and said he was considering adding a comment to that earlier entry, backing up the 'my dad's very nice' point. Dad let him into the house and everything, despite PP being a Homosexualist Jewite. Although it was me who called him that. Within two days of meeting him. And then I licked the back of his neck in a staff meeting because someone dared me. It's funny the stuff you can get away with working in a in a bookshop. Although maybe it was just that one.

PP also would like it to be know that he recently saw Acorn Antiques, which had the pleasantest-smelling audience he had ever experienced. And lots of men who'd come in from out of town, clutching Paul Smith bags and trying to pick each other up in the bar. More news as it comes.

Paul Pennyfeather. Acorn Antiques. Gay.

I'm going now, in an attempt to stop digging myself out of a rapidly-deepening hole...


Anonymous said...

i saw acorn antiques and can confirm it was very gay, both on and off stage. All audience groups had a gay with them - we were three women to one gay and i think that was the average.

Paul Pennyfeather said...

I just don't remember James ever licking me- I normally remember stuff like that. I think this may be a case of him taking the mundane facts and turning them into comedy gold, or the shock was too much and I have blanked the whole horrible experience.

james henry said...

Dude, I totally licked you. Elly said you were using a new strawberry showere gel and so would taste of strawberries, which I refused to believe, so I licked teh back of your neck while you were discussing stock levels with Martin, and to be fair to Elly, you did taste of strawberries. I think you're the only person I've ever licked though.

james henry said...

'The' back of your neck. Not 'teh' back of your neck. That would be weird.

patroclus said...

PP the *only* person you've ever licked? That's about the most shocking thing I've ever heard! Get out and lick people NOW while there's still time!

james henry said...

Well I'm in rehearsals today, but oh well, if it's what the GW fans want...

cello said...

...yes we demand licking. But do ask permission first. We only demand consensual licking.

irony in motion said...

How about seeing how many members of the GW cast you can lick before the second series is aired?

Lauren said...

i like that challenge, and i think video evidence should have to be provided and put as a featurette on the series 2 dvd. anyone agree?

irony in motion said...

Or, better, on the series one DVD?
Like one of those video diary things they do!
I'd think of a catchy title but all I can come up with is 'James Henry's Quest To Lick The Entire Cast Of Green Wing' and it's not quite got the ring to it I was looking for.

Maud said...

Gosh, with this and that bit of MAc's scrubs, I may have to put in my order now.

On the subject of licking, mate, you're missing out. It's great fun. What's even more amusing is when people don't notice, and 5 minuites later they say 'Why's my hand wet?' and you can't help bursting out laughing.

Ah, memories.