If any film has a better Ninja Attack Scene than The Last Samurai, I would like to know about it please.
Not a great film, but a solidly good one - and Ken Watanabe is brills. Flatmate was away this weekend, so I was able to loll and sprawl over two different houses. I also watched Mean Girls (good, but would have benefited from a Ninja Attack Scene), and the first half of Sideways, which I thought was going to be funnier than it was. Which is fine, but I wasn't in the mood for a proper grown-up film about feelings and that, so I put it back on the shelf to watch properly another time. So if there is a Ninja Attack Scene in the second half, don't tell me, it'll spoil it.
Other films that would have benefited from a Ninja Attack Scene:
1. Topsy Turvy (and it's about Japan, sort of, it would have fitted, call it 'Topsy Turvy Singing Ninjas').
2. Emma (on that picnic at the start, everyone is killed by ninjas, and Emma trains with another clan of ninjas to avenge them, at a big masked ball - I would call it 'Emma and the Ninjas').
3. The Remains of the Day ... quite small remains, after ninjas had been round.
4. Schindler's List.
UPDATE: Maybe 'Schindler's List... of ninjas'. Ninjae'? 'Ninjases'? Maybe just 'Ninj'. No, I think it's 'ninjas'. I've said it too often now anyway, it's become just a noise, like 'sofa' or 'plinth'.
UPDATE 2: Skeadugenga suggests Sliding Doors as a film in need of a good ninja attack, and I cannot find it in my heart to disagree. In fact, Sliding Doors may top the billing as Film Most In Need Of A Ninja Attack Scene Ever In The History Of Ever, which may seem like this is turning into something of an attack against Gwynneth, but ahh, I reckon Gwynnie has a great and terrible darkness hidden within her, and a ninja attack might be just the thing to bring it out.
'I was never much of a one for Gwynneth Paltrow,' people would say, 'and then there was that bit in that film when ninjas attacked, and wow.....'
Cor, Sliding Doors was dull, wasn't it? Two parallel universes, and the main difference between them is... Gwynnie's hair's shorter and lighter in the second one. Or possibly the first one. Open Your Eyes (oops, that's the original, which I haven't even seen, I mean Vanilla Sky, sorry Anna) is also rubbish in this regard. Tom Cruise is trapped in an artificial afterlife of his own unconscious devising, and all that happens is Cameron Diaz occasionally turns into Penelope Cruz. Rubbish. Ninjas, ninjas ninjas.
I'm off to london tomorrow - I think this post is my way of lightening the load before I go. As t'were.