Thursday, June 15, 2006

A is for Arseholes

My new G4 iBook, sent to me as a replacement for the older Powerbook which died on its arse after thirteen months (after the older iBook and iPod on which I had everything backed up also died within ten days of each other), is, or course, fucked.

It's crashed (or gone into what I believe is known, rather quaintly, as a 'kernal panic') about ten times in the past four days. I am currently having to erase and install the operating system, although this time round I was suspicious enough not to put any important (and expensively licensed) software on it.

If that doesn't work, I am going to try and get my money back on the original Powerbook (ha ha! Good luck, future me! You twat!) and then not buy Apple again.

Hence there not being any blog posts of late, as they would consist mostly of swearing, odd symbols and asterisks, and swearing again.



I'm housesitting for my parents while they go off on holiday to France. Currently I am mostly sitting in a corner, eating all the jelly cubes and catering chocolate and trying not to cry as a small blue bar crawls slowly across the laptop screen indicating one last pointless software install.

MINI UPDATE: I popped out for an hour, during which time my brother let himself in, ate the toffee ice-cream and buggered off again. That fucker will rue the day...



Fortunately I was able to watch some brilliant animation here. The Burning Safari one particularly almost cheered me up.


I hate everyone.*



*except you, you're all right. Everyone else though.



UPDATE: aha - after poking round in some really obscure Apple forums, I'm starting to wonder if it's the memory card from the old Powerbook that I shifted into the new one. Of course if I take it out, I won't be able to play World of Warcraft until I get a new one. But I will be able to, you know, write scripts and that.

What to do, what to do.....

UPDATE 2: removing the memory card seems to have worked, and I can run Warcraft without it, so have been happily slaughtering Crag Boars all evening with my new Snow Leopard pet called, imaginatively, 'Cat'. Fingers crossed the miracle lasts.


24 comments:

Terri Nixon said...

Ouch. I can see why that would cheer you up - reminded me of a more violent and ultimately more satisfying "Grand Day Out."
As for the iBook. Buggrit. Not good. Please continue to swear as it makes me feel better for letting loose with the odd expletive. Very odd, usually, yours are better.
Enjoy the jelly cubes and cooking chocolate, but do be aware they're both laxatives ...

james henry said...

Oh poo.

Alli said...

Please don't cry, 'cos then I'll cry. Look on the bright side, it could be worse, you could be me and have to work for a nightmare editor. Have some jelly babies - they are laxative free.

skeadugenga said...

Can you get BBC4 from your parents house? At least you could cheer yourself up by watching the 18th century season, a golden age when bloody Apple didn't exist. If not, we'll get you a tricorne, some big cuffs and a lace cravat for Christmas.

Jayne said...

Wine gums - laxative free plus, you know, the illusion of wine...

monkeychops said...

Of course you know intel/windows PCs do that sort of thing too. It seems to be a general computer thing: the more you use them, the more they break.

I've taken to backing things up. The trick is to setup your computer in such a way that the important bits (the data) is backed up without you doing anything (except of course once, to set it all up). When things go titsup you still have to reinstall everything, but at least you've got a copy of your 'stuff'.

Sorry, I'm sure everyone knows this already of course. Just doing my bit to help. Probably making it worse though. I'll stop now.

james henry said...

I've got much better at backing stuff up now, due to afore-mentioned disasters. And emailing scripts to myself, just to be on the safe side.

I just wish they'd move on beyond hard drives - they seem terribly fragile. Solid flash memory sounds much more reliable, although I barely know what it means, to be honest.

Mind you, all those articles about blokes smugly putting their entire CD collections on their iPods, then ebaying the orginal CDs have the ring of authentic tragedy to them these days... Maybe it just teaches people to be less attached to their belongings, which has to be good for the soul. If Steve Jobs tries to use that as an excuse, mind, I'll go round and smear his walls with jam.

Anonymous said...

I have gotten to the point of backing up my backups on backups... then backing that up. I work with computers all the time. I Don't trust them at all. In fact, it seems they get worse as we make them more complex!

I also have all of my MP3s backed up on backups and etc,. etc,. But I didn't get the chance to sell them. Luckily I had ripped them before they were stolen. People seem to go out of their way just to steal my CDs, so I tend to treat them as disposable goods.

I would tell you how wonderfully awesome my friend's Macbook pro is, and how much stuff he has done with it without the slightest glitch, but I really don't want to kick you when you are down.

Sal said...

How about a typewriter?

Sal said...

I also wanted to mention that I've been so distracted watching my Green Wing box set instead of revising that I intend to blame Talkback for my poor results.

Rose said...

I have a typewriter. I bought it because I thought it would make me feel grand and trick me into writing more. In fact, I'm scared of it because it is pretty.

I break more often than my computer does, so I shouldn't really complain. The problem is certainly not exclusive to Apple.

wolfie said...

Keep the faith with Apple, my man- I use a Powerbook at home, PC's at work. Former never ever crashes; latter crashes at least twice a week. Apple Mac's are the only computers worth having, if you actually *need* them to actually *do* things with.

On a techie note, it may be that the memory card you mentioned is dodgy- that would explain how the problem perpetuated itself- you should maybe try extracting it and running with memory you know is OK.

On the other hand, if you had one, you could do a Hunter S. Thomson and fire at your typewriter with a revolver when it messed up.

patroclus said...

Or do a William S. Burroughs and inhale bug powder until one or more of the dead Macs turn into one or more erotic organic mutant laptop-creatures.

edzmen said...

A word of advice, buy an Alienware laptop next time.
It'll cost you about 2k to start with, but after that they're solid as a rock with A1 customer support...

cello said...

Not the Toffee ice-cream. That's just evil.

When technology fucks up, I sometimes think it's God's way of making us go for a long walk. Or talk to someone. But I don't believe in God, so that must be wrong. Maybe it Apple's way of telling us those things. So is Apple, in fact, God? Definitely an Old Testament version, if so.

james henry said...

Cello, just because I'm swearing doesn't make it all right for you to. I'm actually slightly shocked.

Melissa said...

Ahh, the good ol' kernal panics! Aren't they brilliant? I now know how to say "this computer must be shut down" in so many lovely languages. Useful if I'm ever in the dreaded stranded-on-a-desert-island scenario. Though I could just use the laptop as a raft. Or perhaps to cook some of those crabs.

Hands off my jelly cubes (that wasn't meant as a euphemism by the way!)!

ellie said...

the good thing about computers in contrast to ye olde typewriter is that they don't have sharp and crushy bits that attempt to remove the end of your finger.
Probably shouldn't have been poking it to remove lodged smartie though.

Anonymous said...

Does your brother not understand your pain?

I sent you a mental hug whilst reading but it sounds like all your problems are sorted out now. Well, except for the lack of toffee ice cream...

Kirses said...

kernal panic - like colonel sanders - but a lot less fatty and a lot less fun

Hamilton's Brain said...

You could set fire to your hands and hire a secretary. Works for Keith Barren. But obscure references to Dennis Potter aside, thank you for reawakening memories of crafitly stealing jelly cubes when my parents were out. Oh the naughty pleasure of it. No wonder I didn't start smoking 'til I was 18.

Helen said...

Hey, nice blog, been reading it for a while now, umm anyway I'm Helen and this isn't really about your blog stuff but I read your Romey loves Jules script and I think it's fab, I go to a drama club and sometimes we read through and act out parts of scripts and stuff. Recently we have been looking at different types of comedy. I don't really know how formally or anything I need to ask this but I'd thought I'd start here, would you mind if I took it to my drama group just so we could read through it? I love the comedy in it and the people at my drama would love it aswell. It wouldn't go anywhere else other than my drama and I would make sure people knew it wasn't mine...etc Thanks anyway - Helen

james henry said...

Helen, of course you can - if you send me your email address I can send you the rest of the script (it's sitcom length, so about 25 mins, if that). Let me know how it goes.

Stef the engineer said...

I was at a conference the other day where someone presented some JD Powers data; basically, any 3 flaws or bad experience in a product reduces customer loyalty by half. This is consistent across all products, all that changes is the starting percentage. In cars, it's about 40%.

SO, if you buy a car, and nothing goes wrong, you're 40% likely to buy the same brand again. 3 f*ck ups, and that drops to 20%. Another 3, down to 10%. Funnily, it doesn't seem to drop below 10%. According to the presenter, this 10% are called "prisoners," "captives" or "idiots" according to your point of view.

Now, about your relationship with Apple ...