Monday, June 05, 2006

VICIOUS ATTACKS on the FILM INDUSTRY from which it will NEVER RECOVER

Am I the only person in the world who wandered out into the living room last night, and shouted "YES! RESIDENT EVIL!!". Well, I was the only one in my living room, but you know what I mean. I really really like that film, which worries me slightly, as it's universally acknowledged as shite. I was enormously relieved when the second one came out and really was rubbish.

Other science fiction heresy moments:

2001 is really very dull indeed.
I preferred the non-directors cut of Bladerunner, with the happy ending.
I have no problem with Ewoks. Well, the whole glassy eyes things freaks me out now, but I didn't notice at the time.
The bit with the round wobbly robots shuffling onto their spaceship in The Fifth Element nearly made me cry. Obviously the whole thing with Chris Tucker was awful, but you can block that bit out, and I really like the rest of the film.
Elektra was perfectly enjoyable.
Firefly/Serenity wasn't my cup of tea.

Ooh, I've gone too far.


UPDATE: Anonymous said: So Firefly's too eighties & Dr who's too naughties (hate that term but in the absence of something better) - what looks right?

Weren't Ewoks the Jar Jar Binks of the original trilogy?

Quite possibly, yes. Moving on from 'films that are rubbish but I like' to 'films and telly that just look and feel right' (I like the scripty elements as well in most of them, but this is more a cinematography thing):

Any random second of Bladerunner.
Star Trek: Wrath of Khan, oddly enough
Star Wars
Queen of Hearts (linked because no-one's ever heard of it, although it's a fabulous film)
Delicatessen
Leon
Labyrinth (particularly the masked ball bit)
Shaun* of the Dead (with the aspect ratio thing being a teensy homage to John Carpenter movies, and yes I did spot that before they said it in the commentary).
How Do You Want Me?
Spirited Away
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind



*now spelled correctly. D'oh.

28 comments:

Bearded Lady said...

You haven't. I loved Fifth Element and almost cried too despite Chris Tucker whe appeared to be speaking in tongues.

Finn said...

Resident Evil is good missed it though as i was sleepy. The mummy now that is universally crap!

wob said...

i thought firefly was wonderful
i liked res evil too! but maybe coz i lust after milla whatsher-vich.... i even thought the second one was okay..... it was that other girl that.. she was terrible! is there going to be a third?

wob said...

i also LOVE hudson hawk

Fat Roland said...

My own science fiction heresies:

Star Wars bores me to tears.
Fifth Element is the best science fiction film ever.
Apart from Tron.
And Flight Of The Navigator.
Alien makes me laugh until I hurt.
Batteries Not Included is better than Gremlins.
Hyperdrive was actually quite good.

Steve Dix said...

I liked the first Resident Evil too.

Can't go wrong with Heike Makatsch.

James Moran said...

Fifth Element is a good movie. Resident Evil, on the other hand... It's like there was a competition open to anyone to film a 1-minute scene with the theme of "zombies". They had thousands of submissions, but ultimately only chose 90 winners. Those 90 winning 1-minute scenes were then stuck together, and released as Resident Evil. Each scene seems to have no connection to the ones before or after it, it's a horrible, horrible mess.

I'll just wander off into this area for no reason. Look out! There's a zombie! Oh, it's okay, it's behind glass. Look out! A hand! Oh, it's okay, it's just your friend sneaking up on you. Hey, where did the zombie behind the glass go? Oh please, that was in the *last* scene, this is a WHOLE NEW SCENE, pay attention.

It pains me to watch shite like this, it actually hurts my writing muscles, my hands cramp up, my brain spasms, and jets of stinking urine stream down my leg. I swore I wouldn't slag off movies again, because we're all in it together etc etc, look what you made me do Henry, LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO

james henry said...

lalalalalalalala I still like it

jayne said...

My favourite terrible movie is Night of the Comet. Total class.

mborg said...

I loved you right up until the Firefly comment. Although by saying "cup of tea" you seem to be acknowledging a smidgen of something? Go on...

james henry said...

Mmm, I wanted to like Firefly, and certainly don't dislike it, but it never grabbed me the way the new BSG has for example. There's something self-consciously Eighties about the look of FF/S that really jars with me. The characters are great though, of course. I think I'd like FF/S if the tech was either much clunkier, almost steampunky, or higher and more Aliens/cyberpunk which would also work. And spaceships and 20th C guns in the same setting annoys me.

Rachel said...

So i'm gonna leave another comment, only because my obsession for you (i mean your writings, not you in any way, and i certainly wouldn't tell you if i was obsessed by you..hmm....)is beaten by my obsession for the work of Joss Whedon (who may be the new messiah) .Firefly rocks, end of, Ok so it looks strange, but then it thats because it was designed that way, its a space western. It looks like nothing else out there, except maybe my dreams which almost always feature men in very very very tight trousers, fighting aliens on distant planets. Elektra was only good becuase of my (non lesbian) lust for Jen G. and you are right 2001 was the dullest thing ever!! whats the freaking point in that film really? Anyway, moving on X Men: the last stand was quite possibly the best film ever. Well certainly better than X Men 1 and 2 put together!but thats not saying much really is it?

Much Love x x x x

Anonymous said...

So Firefly's too eighties & Dr who's too naughties (hate that term but in the absence of something better) - what looks right?

Weren't Ewoks the Jar Jar Binks of the original trilogy?

Rachel said...

Bringing on my pedantness, i think you'll find its Shaun of the Dead.

And Spirited Away was just beautiful. I could just sit and watch it with the mute button, becuase its just so darn pretty!

Rachel x x

entropy said...

Jim Henson's The Storyteller was fantastic. The music still sends a shiver down my spine. Not got round to rewatching on DVD but do have the book of the stories with photos and everything that I must have rushed out to get as soon as the first airing on Ch4 finished. I've never figured out why I didn't like the second series (Greek Myths) as much as the first. Maybe Michael Gambon was not as scary as John Hurt?

la said...

just like rachel here, I never saw the point in 2001. why is it a cult film? (in a sue white way in 1.9:) why, why, why, why?

btw james, have you happened to see Star Wreck: In the Pirkinning? http://www.starwreck.com/

wob said...

id like to see the dark crystal again. it scared the heck out of me when i was a kid..... is it any good? i seem to remember the good pupets looking just like sandra bullock....

Anonymous said...

i keep getting told that firefly is essentially just a remake of blake 7
never seen blake 7 but after a while i really got to like firefly - comfort tv

Anonymous said...

Firefly/Serenity has become my benchmark for a person who "gets it". For the first time in my life I actually wrote to a network when it disappeared. Pathetic!

5th Element - Brilliant.
Judge Dredd - Excellent rubbish.
2001 - Fell Asleep.
Shaun of the Dead - Actually rather scary.
Battlefield Earth - I thought they were joking.
The Dark Crystal - The end of Aughra! Hmmmm!

Where do people stand on Stargate Atlantis?

Rose said...

Oh my goodness, someone else who's heard of "How Do you Want Me?"

I always get weird looks when I talk about it and was beginning to wonder if I made it up.

And you can't beat Top Gear for cinematography. What's the budget on that show, anyway?

Kirses said...

what about 'Orlando' for cinematography - brilliant!

morgalou said...

Personally, I love "How Do You Want Me?", "Labyrinth" & "5th Element".

I'm also very partial to Resident Evil.... and actually, I really rather enjoy R.E. 2. Although I suspect this may have more to do with Oded Fehr armed with assault weapons and running around being macho than it does the sparkling script or precise lighting.

You know they're making R.E. 3 now?

LMS said...

Series 1 & 2 of How Do You Want Me finally comes out on DVD 3rd July - a tiny minority of fans rejoice.

james henry said...

Ah yes, 'Orlando', with its lovely, lovely symmetry - I'm a big fan.

RE3? I did like whoever played Jill Valentine...

wob said...

she looked quite a lot like the game character.. acted about as well as her too.. is it just me or did she not look like she could kick any ass at all?

milla yoyovich (as my girlfriend likes to call her - but she's just jealous of our forbidden love) could kick all our asses at once im sure..

Kate said...

Oohh... trash film goodness. It's junkfood/ comfort food for the soul.
I also enjoyed Resident Evil on the telly. Sometiems you don't want to think, just enjoy the pretty pictures! :)

I happen to find Dungeons and Dragons very amusing- so bad, it comes right around the crap-o-meter and back to 'quite funny, actually' again.
I also liked the look, if not the script, of Matrix Reloaded.
For cinematography, Stigmata, with its over-emphasis on visuals and ker-razy pop video style (well, the director was hot off doing pop vids) is actually a very beautiful experience.
I also adore the somewhat melodramatic Bandit Queen for the heat that radiates off those fantastic North Indian vistas, and the lovely, lonely music. And a burst of Bollywood is fantastic for genuine fairy-tale romance and gorgeous set-pieces.
Talking of which... Night Watch has the funkiest subttles I've ever seen!
Currently drooling over V For Vendetta and The Libertine. mmmmm... Hugo Weaving... Johnny Depp...

Skeadugenga said...

My nomination for best trash film - "Blood Beach" People (especially air hostesses) and small dogs being eaten by a "thing" that sucks them down through the sand, should they be unwise enough to venture onto the beach. Should have won an award for unintentional humour.

Rafael said...

Not only is the Wrath of Khan a great film, but it introduced a whole generation to the word 'wrath'.

Sadly it didn't come with a pronounciation guide, and at no point did Kirk say 'Crikey, we are now experiencing the wrath of Khan!' Did it rhyme with 'hath' or 'north'? No one knew. Those were difficult times.