Wednesday, June 08, 2005

It's all 'work work sleep'

My reaction to toast is very much like the varied reactions Superman has to Red Kryptonite: sometimes I feel a bit bloaty, sometimes my mouth feels a bit metallic, sometimes I have a very small wave of euphoria and giddiness (that might be the Marmite, not sure), sometimes I fall asleep, sometimes I turn evil and raid the nearest jewellers, laughing maniacally as the hapless security guards' bullets bounce offf my chest.

So, yes, I had some toast earlier, and fell asleep, and now I have a selection of Rolex watches in the corner of my room with no idea how they got there.

I'm working on two different projects at the moment, and am at the 'waiting for people to get back to me' stage, hence my sybaritic abandonment to the world of toast-without-consequence. The first job requires me to work up some storylines for a new children's series, the second is to write some sample scenes for a not-children's series about... people doing things (I think I'm supposed to be confidential about both of them). One of them is a proper commission, and the other one is in the hopes of getting a proper commission, and I can't quite remember which is which, so I have applied myself with equal professionalism to both. Or, quite possibly, neither.

Anyway, when I woke up, surrounded by crumbs and Rolex watches and spoilt international playgirls whose last scattered pseudo-memories were of standing on a tall building in a faraway city only to have this, like, blur snatch them away to a faraway land where the pasties roam, I thought 'How would dead-ends from rejected 'Choose Your Own Adventure' books go?'

And sure enough, someone had worked it out:

Dead Ends from Rejected “Choose-Your-Own-Adventure” Books

And then I thought - 'what about writing A Style Guide for Blog Parodists


But that had been done too! 'Yay'! And v/ funny both were, particularly the Hiawatha bit down the bottom of the Style Guide thing.

Back to sleep now, for I deal with the very stuff of dreams, and thus a writer's work can never really be done.

20 comments:

Kalista said...

Toast makes you sleep, twigglets make you violent. It's all relevent.

cello said...

Sleeping *is* work for creative artists. All that sub-conscious, alpha-zone thought processing means you wake up and can immediately dash off 'The Waste Land'or 'Peter Grimes'. Or 'Bob the Builder'.

Miss Moon said...

Kalista, what if the toast has marmite on? does that make you violent too? Twiglets are rather marmitey after all. Just curious.
Yes, Cello I agree. My housemate is a visual artist and she sleeps pretty much all the time. James - toast is good for you.

Miss Moon x

Steve Dix said...

I must plead guilty to 3) on "Blog parodies".

Kalista said...

Miss Moon, if the toast had marmite on, I think that it would somewhat lose its soporiphic qualities. Toast is also an somewhat unexplored area of comedy, so perhaps by eating it, James will pioneer that. Just a thought.

N.B The twigglets are a reference to spaced.

james henry said...

I got the twiglets ref. And I've got a toast and marmite-based scene in GW2, I think. Unless it gets cut on grounds of taste.

Mwahahahahaha.

Hoo dear, maybe better not try and write comedy today.

cello said...

Hurray! Toast and marmite was our Caroline and Mac analogy. Caroline, all dark and sticky,sometimes yucky but mainly delicious. And Mac, golden, dry and hard outside but warm, soft and yummy inside. And lovely together. I'd be chuffed if it were homage to the CZ posters. In fact, you could just lie and pretend it was.

james henry said...

It definitely was, then.

Are You Mad? said...

erm...why not put twiglets ON the toast? Could be kind of interesting...well, i like it, but i'm a bit weird like that....

james henry said...

No, that's too much. It would be like that bit in Ghostbusters when Egon warns Ray about crossing the energy streams.

Miss Moon said...

Thanks Kalista, just thought I'd engage in some blog conversation. Looks like I was out of my depth. Need sort myself out on those comedy references. My brain is frazzled from reading too much chic lit. on the beach.

patroclus said...

Or that bit in Ghostbusters where the one tells the other one not, under any circumstances, to think about Twiglets on toast.

Sorry, that was a bit undermined by my not remembering who said what to whom in the climactic Marshmallow Man scene. And to think Ghostbusters was my favourite film for about, ooh, 15 years.

Kalista said...

Miss Moon, I prescribe lots of re-watching of spaced! Lots and lots!

Cello, Mac like toast and Caroline like marmite? I like this analogy!

Marmite needs to be thinly spread, else it can taste like tar.

Willie Lupin said...

Many years ago (i.e. in my youth) there was a pop song about toast which many people found intensely irritating. Despite that, it got into the Hit Parade, as we then called it. It chiefly consisted of the repetition of 'Toast!' in a high-pitched voice.
But I can't find it on Google so I may have dreamed the whole thing after eating too much toast myself.

Fizzy good said...

I love toast.

I am the Queen of England!

Anonymous said...

my diet mainly consists of toast, tuna fish, and salad.

its very healthy don't you know.

BiScUiTs said...

Glad to hear it. Although it doesn't leave much room for experimentation. I suppose you could always try salad on toast.

Uberpause said...

I have a plan to patent egg yolk in little sachets so that you can spread it direct on to toast instead of having to go to all the bother of frying/soft-boiling an egg first.

And little packets of black pudding in pubs, alongside the scratchings.

Steve Dix said...

Salad on toast is an abomination.

You either end up with warm salad or cold and soggy toast.

We did some experiments with this when I was a student, and take it from me it was not a success.

Kalista said...

Salad on toast! Oh no no no no! You want beans on toast with cheese and pepper on the top. That's the stuff.