Friday, June 24, 2005

Hot water

You know how everyone says bees sound content and sort of bumbly? The ones in my parents' garden don't. They sound frickin' furious. Less buzzing than muttering. Possibly they've just got poor notices in the Honeybee Waggle Dance Reviews.

And that was before I nearly did some damage to my parents' garden when I took the washing-up water out, all conscientious-like, prepared to sling it over the fuschia, and suddenly thought 'Hey now! C'mon! (I like to talk to myself in the style of a 1970's teen counsellor) Didn't you just read something in horticultural about, you know, maybe letting the water go cold first? Rather than it being say... practically boiling?*"

Also it turns you need to check you've completed the washing up, as later that afternoon I slung a good fivers worth of cutlery into the vegetable garden. For full comedy points there should have been a MROWWWW! noise as an unseen cat suffered a terribly tragedy, but the neighbours' cat was round the front, which was probably best. Currently said cat is providing enormous entertainment by leaping up onto the front windowsill, making immediate and shocked eye contact with me (I'm in the reclining chair about a foot from glass), and leaping off again. It does this about once an hour, and if it could say 'Ooh Christ!' each time I think it would.

Young Skeletor sketches. What I want to know is how did he get like that in the first place? I suppose it's Googleable, but even I'm wary of delving too far into this sort of thing since accidentally** running into some erotic Thundercats fanfiction. Which I'm not linking to, since running across it once counts as a mistake. If I go back, my laptop is going to start getting suspicious.



*Although my inner guidance counsellor also sounds a bit like Owen Wilson, who I was delighted to discover has been given the nickname of the Butterscotch Stallion. Apparently he was delighted as well. Actually if my inner guidance counsellor really is Owen Wilson (i.e. pretty much stoned - no offence), that would explain a lot. Like why this weeks JATBC has veered suddenly in the realm of Not Work-Safe...

** Yes really. I was actually looking for erotic Transformers fanfiction.***

***Oh Sweet Warbling Jesus, it exists.

13 comments:

Marsha Klein said...

The picture of a bedraggled cat being fished out of the bushes on the end of a fork makes me laugh - sorry cat-people!

Willie Lupin said...

In addition to the cat's cry you need a waaa waaa waaa sound played on a tuba, or you did in the sitcoms of my youth. Any chance of adding that to Green Wing? The man you need is Wally Stott.
Actually he became a woman and moved to America but I'm sure hasn't lost the gift for comedy music, whatever else he's lost.

james henry said...

Or the slidey trombone noise, another favourite.

Paul Pennyfeather said...

I want links

james henry said...

Hmm... comedy sound effects on the internet? Could such a thing exist?

cello said...

I think comedy brass sound effects are very '60s; Hancock and maybe Eric Sykes spring to mind.

Everyone loves sliding trombone noises because, of course, they are really just thinly disguised farting sounds. And they are *irresistible*.

Willie Lupin said...

I probably should have said trombone. But Wally Stott wrote the tuba Hancock signature tune which may have confused me. Or else it was my woeful ignorance of musical instruments.
Yes, cello, it was a very 60s thing. It was as much an end-of-scene convention as the dreaded reaction shot. Crass as it was, I suddenly feel nostalgic about it.

Elfgirl said...

My inner guidance counsellor sounds like Janeane Garofolo but I probably spelt it wrong.

james henry said...

Wise choice. As long as she's being the Cat and Dogs one, rather than the Mystery Men one, which is probably less useful. But still very funny.

Elfgirl said...

I think the Mystery Men Janeane would be much less useful. Unless perhaps you were at a bowling alley, but even then there could be quite a lot of serious injuries as a result.

Kalista said...

Aw, the truth about cats and dogs- what a film! Throwing a shoe out of the window at him. Ah, wonderfulness.

Maud said...

Yay, Pantsketch! They're so great.

Wyndham said...

Better still Janeane should be the deadpan Larry Sanders one.