1. Becoming quite irate that Falmouth Tesco is a bit slow to serve, and has NO BLOODY HUMOUS.
2. I wander into my Best Mate's shop to say hello.
I make my greeting.
BM: What did you just do?
BM: You kissed me on both sides of my face.
The manager is standing in the background, She has witnessed what just happend and is staring in horror.
MANAGER: You kissed her on both sides of her face!
ME: Did I?
BM: You've never done that before.
MANAGER: You've never done that before.
I leave, burning with shame.
3. I read in the Media Guardian that Talkback has thrown a party for 'talent' at which at least one Green Wing actor was present. I have heard nothing of this, and despite the fact that I was in Cornwall anyway, and so couldn't have gone THROW A MASSIVE HISSY FIT.
Later I complain to my girlfriend, who is stuck out in rural France, looking after her severely ill mother. She is very sympathetic, and rightly so, frankly. This is a hard time for me, and I need lots of care and attention.
So I decide to take the dogs for a walk, from Flushing to Mylor, as tramping through good honest cornish mud might put me back in touch with what's important and shit.
Back in the car, I sit and reflect. It is good here, away from the politics and iniquities of the capital. Head Dog grins at me. Lurchers are quite grinny dogs anyway, but this one is a bit deerhoundy and a bit saluki(ey) as well, so he does have quite a pleasing face when he's not savaging my limbs.
I lean out and ruffle his ears. He is a good dog, at heart.
Terrible noxious, yet somehow organic fumes suddenly fill the car. The windows steam up, and the radio turns to static. Head Dog's grin suddenly has a rather pleased quality.
ME: ARGH JESUS CHRIST YOU MONSTROUS BASTARD etc.