To: My gran, last christmas
This weird game, which was like a cross between Scrabble and Boggle, in which you dropped Scrabble cubes (not blocks) into a a grid, then pushed a slidey thing which supposedly jumbled the cubes randomly, so players could then argue whether 'sploof' (the sound made when someone messages you on Skype Chat) is actually a word (it isn't).
In fact, none of the pieces fit together properly, so you wrestled with the slidey thing for ages, then suddenly all the Scrabble Cubes exploded out of the grid at astonishing velocity, blinding relatives and upsetting the cat (it's dead now).
To: Best Mate, about nine years ago
One of those carved nut things, which when you open it, reveals a carved beetle thing, which wobbles its legs like it's alive. BM opens it:
BM: Some of its legs seem to be missing.
ME: Oh, maybe that's why Debs (girlfriend at the time) gave it back to me.
BM throws carved nut thing at my head.
ME: (outraged) Oh my god, you are so ungrateful!
To: My Little Brother, about (jesus fucking christ) twenty years ago (seriously, jesus fucking christ)
A penknife. Only one of the blades had broken off, and the other bit, which seemed to be an odd hollow pointy thing, was covered in rust, which flaked off when you tried to open it. I bought this at a carboot sale in the mid-december rain at Swanpool carpark and decided to hand it over to my brother as an early christmas present, so I wouldn't have to bother getting him a proper present.
I was later shouted at by my mum, who explained that it wasn't the crapness of the thing that was the issue, so much as the fact that I had extorted the money to pay for it from my brother himself right then and there, and afterwards shouted at him for not showing (again) the appropriate gratitude.
If I was my parents, I probably would have drowned me.