If I have to see one more fucking article about Keith Fucking Richards, I will come up to London and there will be Stern Words.
Yes well done, he's:
1. Reached the age of one million years old
2. Has taken a metric shitload of drugs and is,
3. Still alive.
The same could be said of my gran, and she's skint, which is much more impressive.
This is like when I was working in a factory, listening to Radio 4 for the rare twenty minutes a day when the Sodding Archers* wasn't on, and the Queen Mother was going into hospital for a hip operation. Anyway, whatever idiot news presenter happened to be standing outside the hospital that day was lucky enough to have QM driven past him in a enormous gold taxi, at which point he brought SHAME ON AN ENTIRE NATION by calling out 'Good luck, Ma'am!'. You could actually hear his massive erection, never before have I believed in the magic of radio, but that day there it was.
I think it was one of the Dimblebys.
* Ah, now, it may look here as though I'm dissing the Tamster, but I had a chat with her about the fact that I can't stand the Archers, although I did listen to the episode in which Debbie (Tamsin) departed, which left me with a bit of a lump in my throat, because I thought to myself 'She's leaving, because she's COMING TO WORK FOR MEEEEEE!'.
She laughed, thankfully.
Also, bloody also (no more coffee for me tonight, but the underlying feelings are true and noble, and cannot be denied), whilst I was working in that factory for two years, I listened to Radio 4 on my radio walkman every hour of every single day (apart from when the Soddding Archers came on, when I put a tape on instead).
And over those two years, I heard precisely ONE RADIO PLAY that wasn't shit. ONE PLAY. It was about the Molly Maguires and how the Pinkerton Detective Agency tried to crush striking miners in the US in the Nineteen Umpties, and it was brilliant. Every single other radio play, over a period of, I repeat, TWO YEARS, was absolutely rubbish. I'm sorry, but there it is.
However, this was the period when the John Major government was imploding, and the Radio 4 political coverage was brilliant, like the greatest soap opera ever. Conniving Tory bastards all denying leadership ambitions whilst installing extra phone lines, giving coded press releases and the like, magic stuff.