Monday, August 07, 2006

Best political insult ever

Retired Moscow ambassador Sir Rodric Braithwaite referring to Tony Blair as a "frayed and waxy zombie" (context here)

It's just such an odd thing to say. Apart from anything else, can you be 'frayed' and 'waxy' at the same time? Madame Tussauds gets mentioned later, so I can sort of see where he's coming from*, but he didn't say 'dummy', he said 'zombie'. Quite specifically.

I quite like the mix of pop culture and rather grand Shakespearean language though. Indeed from now on, I will only insult people in the style of Sir Rodric.


Thou goatish and beslubbering Moria Goblin.

Yes I'm talking to you, you mewling fucking Cylon.

Sirrah, you are a fen-sucking, foot-licking, hedge-born son of a Dalek.

You stupid Ent.

Also this morning, I saw an elderly woman being mugged for her sausage-wurst-thing (the Euro-market's in town) by no fewer** than three seagulls, who hauled her shrieking and flailing into the main road, clearly in an attempt to top their stolen-snack provisions with tasty Old Lady Flesh. I walked straight ahead and didn't look back, and if you knew seagulls like I know seagulls, you'd know that was exactly the right thing to do.

You onion-eyed womprats.

*Hmm, I suppose 'frayed' is clothes and 'waxy' is skin. It's such a cracking description! It makes you think.
** Not 'less', never that.


baggiebird said...

Mmmmm interesting insult style, I suppose it could catch on, it would certainly make people think

Button said...

*tries desperatly to think of something clever but is let down by excruciatingly limited vocabulary*

I'm off to get me thesaurus then just you wait!

Button said...

check out this exercise in lunacy for some killers.

I like
"You are as brave as the sum of your fat little stuffed misused dusty old rotten codpiece"

Hamilton's Brain said...


Jayne said...

No seagulls mugging little old ladies but I did spend an entertaining 5 minutes (ciggie break) watching a pigeon in Soho Square with the crusty end of a baguette stuck on its head.

Rose said...

I once saw a particularly stupid man in St Ives harbour throw a chip to a seagull. He immediately got dive-bombed by about 30 of the buggers and emerged desperately clutching a scrap of chippy paper and displaying several fairly serious looking head wounds.

I shouldn't laugh.

Stef the engineer said...

Erm, what's a womprat? Is that like a wumpus?

Seagulls. Urgh. Amphibious rats with wings. (Pigeons are rats with wings. Rats are pigeons without wings. Who can swim, funnily enough. So seagulls without wings then. Where was I?)

Anonymous said...

Hmm "you technologically incompetent son of a cross-eyed, spavin legged, ditch-born drab" has a certain ring about it. However, I still prefer "Consultant Radiologist" as a term of abuse. Unless they have the good taste to understand, in which case I retract it.

patroclus said...

Stef: 'I used to bullseye womprats in my T-16 back home.'

I didn't even have to look that up. I rock.

james henry said...

Gosh, well played Patch.

patroclus said...

The International Federation of Competitive Star Wars Quoting has found erstwhile world champion Patroclus guilty of 'looking up the T-16 bit' and then lying about it later, and recommends that she be stripped of her title forthwith.

james henry said...

Get out, yer barred.

Heather said...

The sad part is I really did know that off by heart but Patroclus beat me to quoting it.

Following on from Jayne's comment. I once saw a kid throw his skate board and manage to hit a pigeon in mid flight. It was accidental, I don't think he could have done it if he'd tried.

entropy said...

Hands up anyone who *hasn't* had to fudge the middle of an otherwise excellent quote. I'm sure "I used to bullseye womprats in my thingy back home" is near enough.

love's child said...

Suddenly I'm seeing Shakespeare-influenced insults everywhere. It started with my tutor talking about it at her lecture... and then my friend had an entry on it in her LiveJournal... and now you!