casting

lamp
Originally uploaded by jamesandthebluecat.

I've been involved in some casting lately, which means a producer person has been sending me dozens and dozens of headshots of people with lists of arcane skills and accents below. You find yourself staring at a minor character from Eastenders (not that I watch Eastenders, ew) thinking - He can fence? And in a Bolivian accent? Get him in, that'll liven up the lunchbreak.

I have very quickly slipped into the standard method for selecting the best 'talent'* which works by simply rejecting people for the following reasons:

1 - Too good-looking
2 - Possibly being taller than me
3 - Active shoplifter.
4 - Mentalist
5 - Hmm, he looks too much like that kid who used to pick on me at school, the one who was two years younger than me, therapy down the drain - rejected.
6 - Alpha Course
7 - Isn't he going out with [Hollywood star]? Bastard
8 - Met him, he just talks about his bowels the whole time.
9 - Met that one three times and he never remembers my name - rejected
10 - His hair looks like mine did when it was good - rejected

Then you realise there's no-one left, so you have to start again, this time on the basis of who would actually be best for the part.

Boring.







* 'Talent' means 'actors'. In my first GW workshop, which took place down in the basement all the people were sipping coffee in the office when the production assistant called out 'could the talent come downstairs please'. All the actors stood up. And me. Then I had to sit down again. But I think the actors were all very impressed by my self-confidence and knew not to mess with me, oh no. I have mentioned this before. But I'm still embarrassed about it.