There's that thing in films, although they don't do it so much now, where the camera sort of focuses in on the person (often a screaming woman, or a Hero going 'what the'), whilst at the same time the background zooms out. I think they do it in the first LOTR movie, when that bloke from Lost is wittering about carrots, and Frodo gets an inkling that the Black Riders might be coming, so everything goes whooshy (my professional script directions are better than this)*.
Anyway, this morning, I tipped a small tin of baked beans into a white bowl and opened the microwave door... to find a white bowl with exactly a small tin's worth of baked beans already sitting there.
So everything went all out of focus and strange and a bit whooshy, and for a moment I genuinely thought I had transcended the boundaries of space and time, and was just starting to wish it had involved something more exciting than legumes**, when suddenly I a) realised that these beans were cold, and b) remembered I had put some beans in the microwave on Sunday morning, where I had clearly forgotten to pay them any more heed.
So, I got it all sorted out in the end, although at one point I had a white bowl of baked beans in each hand and was having some difficulty picking out which ones I should heat and eat and which ones I should throw away. I think I made the right choice, but I'm still not sure.
Oddly enough though, I do have a new winter wardrobe (I buy new clothes about twice a year, but get very excited), which is mostly earth colours, with the ocasional rather daring white accent (white buttons on black linen shirt, white laces on fat new trainers, pale spots on new brown shirt, black bootcut cords ) but (this is relevent) teamed with my autumny black coat from last year which I forgot about, I think I look rather Doctor Who-ish. Of course, only the beans know the truth.
The new Dare video by the Gorillaz (I would link to it, but I can't make it work) by the way, illustates perfectly the Sexydance I did when was testing my ensemble for flexibility/Dalek-fighting suitability, and shows my, what I loosely term 'technique' has rather a worrying amount in common with the dancing stye of a twelve year old imaginary japanese girl. Particularly the arse moves. I may have to recalibrate.
*Steve Mangan said his favourite ever GW stage direction was 'Guy reddens slightly', which if you think about it, is slightly easier to write than do.
** Possibly not the right word.