Thanks for the wolves stuff - I was wondering if it was possible to create a League of Extraordinary Gentlemen-style uberpack. It might be, not sure yet.
That sitcom thing, where the main character is sort of based on me and the blog, only with more guns (codename: Project TSTWTMCISOBOMOWMG) is now with a person in a large broadcasting company, who is hopefully even now sitting round a table with people called things like Josh and Florrissa and TIlly, and saying things like 'Guys, it's crazy, but it's so now!'. But then looking at the current lineup for Friday night television on Channel 4, or at the fact that Tittytittybangbang has been recommissioned, Josh and Florrissa and Tilly, whatever company they work for, are clearly a massive shower of twats.
UPDATE: although the person sitting with them, who's looking at my script, isn't a massive shower of twats, let's make that quite clear. They are gorgeous and witty and in every way quite pert.
Think I just got away with that.
Project TSTWTMCISOBOMOWMG already has a producer attached, and we discusssed casting at a very early stage, mainly because it's easier to pitch if you can say it has a lovely Famous Comic Actor-shaped space in the middle of it. It doesn't, not really, so we moved onto potential casting acting-people who could be phoned up in the unlikely event I came down with a cold and was unable to play the role myself. This is the thing about producers, they have to be able to think through the unlikeliest of scenarios, unlike writers who are gritty and earthy (like the SAS get sometimes) and deal with just the facts.
PRODUCER: How about (mentions the name of an actor whose first name begins with a Letter, and whose second name begins with a Different Letter)?
ME: Well, other than him being THE MOST UNFUNNY PERSON ON THE WORLD, who has shown not a flicker of acting talent in his ghastly career thus far, unless you call the ability to make people high up in television (hello Josh and Florrissa and Tilly) give him vast amounts of money and airtime so that he might do nothing other than be viciously unpleasant to members of the public who are then intimidated into signing releases so that their humiliation can be broadcast to millions, making the world once again just a slightly less pleasant place to live, 'talent', and some might, he'd be great, yeah.
PRODUCER: Have you ever met him?
ME: Nope, and I don't want to, as I suspect he is a massive ****.
PRODUCER: Oh, okay.
SIX MONTHS LATER
ME: Erm, you know that conversation we had about casting?
ME: You actually suggested (mentions the name of an actor whose first name begins with a Letter, and whose second name begins with a Different Letter, just like the other one, but is spelled slightly differently), didn't you?
ME: Oh, I thought you said (mentions the name of an actor whose first name begins with a Letter, and whose second name begins with a Different Letter).
PRODUCER: Christ, no, he's a massive ****
ME: That's what I thought.
PRODUCER: So what do you think about (mentions the name of an actor whose first name begins with a Letter, and whose second name begins with a Different Letter)?
ME: Oh he'd be great, yeah. But obviously it still makes more sense to play the main role myself.
PRODUCER: Oh noes, my phone have gone (sound which could be static, but also sounds suspiciously like someone noisily crumpling up a piece of paper to the earpiece).
In reality, I've never heard Producer swear, but you know, these things have to be punched up a bit.