Normally my hatred for various television programs manifests itself in the form of not watching and finding something else to do instead, which means you can't really vent, or you end up looking like something from the Daily Mail or one of the stupider bishops.
Big Brother, for example, strikes me as increasingly unpleasant form of class warfare*, and one that can't be excused by picking on the stupid. In fact, I'm fairly sure that picking on stupid people makes it just a little bit worse, as stupid people really ought to be protected by the brighter ones, nurtured and cared for and treated kindly, as quite often they turn out not to be stupid at all, and even if they don't, well, you had a go.
I could go as far as to describe Big Brother, and those behind it (producers) and in front of it ('oh my god it's awful isn't it but you have to watch it don't you' journalists, of which the Guardian seems to employ an increasing number) as a bunch of over-privileged yahoos with the compassion of an African dictator. And to those who say 'Ah, but the public loves this stuff', I would say: 'Well They're Cunts And All'.
However, I didn't watch it, so these opinions are baseless, and wildly ignorable.
On this occasion however, I did watch an episode of I'm A Celebrity at close quarters with some colleagues (stout-hearted and compassionate folks all), and frankly it rather freaked me out. Something about the way the contestants joyfully screamed and wriggled and yelled as they had insects poured on them, or crunched underfoot, or pulled off their backs filled me with what I can only describe as a bleak loathing for all humankind.
It's entirely possible that the assorted creatures didn't have a clue what was going on, or were having a fabulous time, maybe even thinking 'Ooh, that David Gest didn't sound a bit like I thought he would, hang on, I think he's sussed, I'll just scuttle round to his other shoulder'. And I have bought a spanking new leather manbag, and on my recent working trip (ahem) to Mallorca I managed to live on Mostly Sausage, so clearly I'm a massive hypocrite. And yet something about the way those people behaved with the animals, as though they existed only as rather revolting props, demonstrated just how homo sapiens has become divorced from the rest of the natural world in a way more profoundly tragic than any number of documentaries about polar bears splashing miserably about in melting icewater could ever achieve.
Furthermore, I missed the Howard Goodall thing about music Sunday night on Channel 4. ARSING BLOODY BOLLOCKS.
*This isn't to say I loathe all reality television - the cello one off Faking It made me cry out loud.