Thursday, October 26, 2006

Mmm... lichen.

The tragic thing about comedy writers is that they very rarely get to make proper jokes themselves, so when you do, it is a big day for everyone.

INT. BAR - EVENING

PATCH: So we'll be meeting my cousin for a meal, and her boyfriend Hugo's coming, who's Norwegian.

ME: What does he do?

PATCH: He studies reindeer movements.

ME: (QUICK AS AN ACTUAL FLASH) Won't take long, they're basically just (makes galloping motion) with the occasional (tosses antlered head).

Pause.

PATCH: Yes, very good.

ME: Hahhahahaha! I am comedy.

Five minutes later I get Patch to tell me about Hugo again, so I can make the same joke.

If anyone else out there knows someone who is studying reindeer movements, they can use the joke too. It is an Open Source Reindeer Joke.

29 comments:

patroclus said...

Yes, very good.

Who is this Dave? said...

And for the cruder kind of comedy show, one could also include something about Reindeer bowel movements.

Billy said...

I would have done the "bowel movement" gag. I'm far too lowbrow.

Marsha Klein said...

How about reindeer political movements? "Caribou for carbon-taxes"? Or "Don't let acid rain, dear"?

Rose said...

There was a marvellous programme about ravens on BBC2 last night. Apparently they're all in Newborough, James.

Button said...

Will it work for general deer or just the rain variety?

Skeadugenga said...

I'm afraid my mind immediately went to poo, took several minutes to register that he studies reindeer stomping from here to there and back again. Very tasty, reindeer.

Jen said...

Hmm. And how did you simulate the antlers?

I think you should do a quick videoblog to make sure we all do it right.

jayne said...

I second Jen - that's exactly what I thought!

Anonymous said...

People have weird jobs don't they. A friend of mine studies lemur activity. Any jokes I could use?

smoo2 said...

Well, it's no wonder you're a comedy writer. What wit!

I suppose you had to be there though...

Lucky Patch...

antonym said...

Ha.








Ha.

Yaxlich said...

Yaxlich also assumed that Hugo studied different groups of militant reindeer.

He doesn't know anyone who studies reindeer movements but has stored the joke away in case he needs it in the future.

Billy said...

"lemur activity"

If it was lemur movements I've got a joke you might be interested in.

james henry said...

I simulated the antlers like this:

*simulates antlers*

I'm proud to say, the poo jokes never even occured to me. Don't know any lemur jokes off the top of my hair, but I will jot them down as and when they occur to me.

Anonymous said...

I too was a surely they just ' go in the woods like all the other animals' person too, sorry lowbrow I know..I spent a very jolly afternoon demonstrating bunny ears, because everyone does the straight up thing but really bunnies ears are floppy unless startled. Do reindeers have antlers at this time of year? Don't they fall off or something? :)

Valerie said...

This is definitely the kind of joke that makes people say "hey, that's funny" but not actually laugh. Except me. I actually laughed out loud, alone by myself in my house. And then I just laughed again when I read it again to make this comment. But then, that's why I read your blog. (You can read that as "because James Henry is so darned funny" or as "because Valerie is easily amused." I'll let you choose, because it's Thursday.)

baggiebird said...

Very good, but again I thought of poo. Also very low brow

Button said...

Marvellous picture there Oh Albion Avine.

word verification:
aowoie


The sound of an embarrased Reindeer

albert said...

This morning, Hugo told me he was writing about 'the biopolitical interpretation of the notion of animal sacrifice derived from Agamben's theory of 'The Bare Life'.
Can you make an open source reindeer joke out of that?

Btw, the minora joke was funny, too.

baggiebird said...

Cheers Button I thought so

james henry said...

Albert, um...

*simulates antlers again*

Hmm, maybe I should move on..

What picture, by the way? i am confused.

Button said...

Baggiebird's ID picture.
Tis a Baggie Bird. Like yon Blue Cat.


*simulates midlands football team and flapping bird wings*

JonnyB said...

Does the joke come with a Gnu license?

james henry said...

*doffs cap*

nanga parbat said...

Could you ask the reindeer expert chap whether it is true that gangs of marauding reindeer, drunk on fermented windfall apples, do in fact rampage about kicking over dustbins and menacing old folks homes. I either read this in The Guardian or dreamed it.

Albert said...

H says reindeer don't need to get drunk to rampage. One town in Finnmark has erected a 20-mile-long reindeer-proof fence around its perimeter to keep the beasts at bay. Apparently, they were chewing the mayor's rose bushes. Can you imagine?

Open source reindeer joke:
What is Rudolph's favourite novel?
For Whom the Sleigh Bell Tolls

Who is this Dave? said...

The drunk reindeer thing is true. Don't you all remember, I wrote about it on my blog on November 20th 2005 (http://dave-east.blogspot.com/2005/11/you-couldnt-make-it-up.html).

Sorry, I'm not well, and heven't got the energy to do the link thingy.

Who is this Dave? said...

Ah. they were elks, it seems, having now read my own blog.

Same family, I expect. The embarrassing branch, that get drunk and sing rude songs.