Friday, October 20, 2006

The Duke of Sucre III: the liveblog

5:10 - Wake up. No sign of Alan. Feel oddly relieved.

10:01 - Get into office - still no sign of Alan.

10:27 - Consider walking past office where Alan might be.

10:28 - Worry I might be taking this too far.

10:30 - Nah, he's not there.

10:34 - Maybe he's poorly.

10:35 - Mmm... almond croissant.

10:40 - Realize the sweet sweet pasty only makes me think of Alan more.

10:41 - Typing 'Alan more' makes me think of 'Alan Moore'. Shall I get that 'Lost Girls' thing he's just done? Dunno, looks a bit pervy. And quite expensive.

11:14 - Mournfully hum 'Superman' theme to self. No Alan.

11:15 - Start to worry about being banned from Talkback. Fuck it, they only make programmes about houses these days anyway.

12:05 - A tee-shirted man comes into office 'looking for sugar...' It's commenter Pugh! He reports no sign of Alan. Or his 'big car'. The plot thickens (with sugar).

13:44 - Confirm that Alan is not in Richard's Megastore (GW2 top place in the TV DVD charts), or nearby eaterie Julia's Meadow. AlCon now set at 'Reduced Sugar'.

14.20- He's not in the lego department in Hamley's either.

15.06 - Producer asks if I've sent scenes bundled as one document, to producer's mac address. In fact I have sent scenes individually to a different address. Oh Alan, why hast thou forsaken me?

16:49 - No Alan.

20 comments:

Salvadore Vincent said...

* Sir Alan Sugar's fee for appearing in these posts has been donated to charity.

Button said...

Sips tea

Stares at Screen

Waits for all hell to break loose in mass Blogger flash-mobbing of Talkback building

Is jealous of Croissant

Button said...

Forgive me for my lack of technological knowledge but you're not just wandering the corridors, with a vague air of meloncholy, typing into your laptop are you?

james henry said...

I am sitting in the corridor next to a huge pile of beets, hoping that like attracts like.

Skeadugenga said...

If you were a proper stalker you'd be hiding under the pile of beets, ready to leap out and sing the Superman song when Seralan appears. So that's alright then.

Pugh said...

Bearing in mind his Sid James resemblance, I've spent the morning on one of the talkback roof terraces dressed as Babs Windsor, doing exercises. It hasn't attracted him yet but can't get rid of Bernard Bresslaw.

james henry said...

*revises mental image of Pugh*

Pugh said...

Strangest thing happened. Went down to see James, entered the room and was greeted by Sir Alan, in an armchair stroking an Amstrad email phone. He was laughing maniacally and drinking brandy from a cats skull. The evil puppet-master.

JonnyB said...

** but he doesn't like to talk about it.


"Some people call it stalking - I call it 'selective walking'" - Otis Lee Crenshaw

Button said...

Ha ha!

I think I know why you cannot find him.
Suralan is playing a very fine game of 'Sugar Syrup'
- travelling around the building in a variety of unusual wig-based disguises.

patroclus said...

Stay on your guard, James and Pugh - there may be a Sugar Substitute in the building.

Billy said...

"there may be a Sugar Substitute in the building"

Sir Alan Saccharine?

Button said...

or
Sir Alan Acesulfame Potassium

baggiebird said...

Well maybe he's gone on a diet and is not Sir Alan Sucralose ! Or maybe not

Ruby said...

Why not set a "honey trap?"

Button said...

"He's not in the lego department in Hamley's either."

Have you checked the local top-class drinking establishments?

Anonymous said...

Maybe he's on a diet, reducing his sugar content by making himself very small, and therefore difficult to perceive by the naked eye.

skeadugenga said...

Please don't be despondent James. Seralan, as a Peer of the Realm, may have been unavoidably absent on a Secret Mission Of National Importance.

Possibly involving the night train to Istanbul, sinister border control guards and Kendal mint cake.

POE said...

Margaret Mountford is in my building...
Not *as* impressive but we could get the set here if everyone keeps their eyes peeled.

Valerie said...

If nothing else, after a week of this you'll have the next Bridget Jones novel...