I thought I'd go along to the GW series 2 DVD signing, just to see what it was like, and oh dear god, the screaming! The fainting! The smell! Fortunately everyone knows what actors are like when their agents aren't around, so the fans were very forgiving.
See what I did there? I turned the whole thing around. Keep an eye out for that sort of thing if you're new to the blog, there's plenty more where that came from.
But yes, um, quite a lot of people, past whom me and Green Wing Richard were whisked, to stand at the front* and be coronated with little plastic passes by the PR team. It was very like the end bit of the Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, except with Mark Heap mouthing 'wanker' at me. And then when I barged in front of a paying fan to get a script signed for charity, Julian Rhind-Tutt pointed at me and said 'Look, a nutter jumping in! He is from Nuttsville, I'll be bound!'. This was actually quite dangerous, as heavy security guards had already decided they didn't like me, and behind me were ONE MILLION rabid Mac fans who would happily have torn me limb from limb at the merest gesture from their ginger love god.
Anyway, the paying fans didn't mind me jumping in, which was good, and Television's Doctor Mac then took pity on me and told them that I was a writer, and one fan also took pity on me and asked me to sign her DVD, so I did, which felt brilliant, and I was insufferable for the rest of the evening.
My favourite bit was when Stephen Mangan stood up, generating an unearthly high-pitched wailing chorus from the queueing fangirls**, which then turned into a disappointed rumbling moan when he sat down again. However Stephen is very modest, so he probably just thought there was something wrong with his chair.
And then I got back and watched the making-of documentary on the DVD, to discover that the stuff I had done and had been told would be in it was in fact not in it, but that the very short bit that had supposedly been taken out because I was making fun of the actors was in fact in. Showbusiness is a funny old contrary old business and no mistake crikey blimey.
* Where I took loads of photos of the actors, as my turning up had coincided with the official press photo moment thing opportunity, and as all photographers are pale Cockneys whose growth has been stunted by years of living on jellied eels and silver buttons, I was able to stand behind them and snap over the tops of their pasty heads quite happily. Sadly all the photos but one came out blurred, I suspect because my hands were trembling with rage and jealousy, but there we are.
** I'm worried this looks a bit patronising, so from now on I shall refer to all Steve Appreciators as 'The Manganettes'.
38 comments:
I was going to go*, I even walked past the entrance, but in the end I couldn't be arsed.
* I went to dinner and saw Spamalot instead.
'one million rabid Mac fans'
?
There really are a lot of very odd women in the world.
I was there and I saw you whilst I was in the queue and was indeed going to accost you and make you sign my dvd (to make you feel important, you understand), but when I was at the signing table was the very 5 minutes you decided was an opportune moment to bugger off, and return just as the security guards were giving me a shove in the direction to leave. I'd already made one of them threaten to make me rejoin the queue by making a highly intelligent and sarky observation to/at him, so I didnt want to take my chances.
By the way, I swear (on my life if necessary) I wasnt part of the particularly screamy gaggle of girls dressed up in doctors coats and what-not. I was exceedingly cool and calm, and turned up partly as my Renaissance Art in central Italy module demanded I be in London yesterday anyway.
Saying that, I'm sure I would've found another legit reason to go if that hadn't been the case.
You do realise you're going to be severely told off for chopping Mr Mangan in half in that picture? I'm happy to say I wasn't one of the screaming fangirlies either, but only because Plymouth is just too damn far from London and my children wouldn't have looked kindly on me buggering off and letting them fend for themselves.
Glad you had a nice time, incidentally, and very nice of you to sign a script for "cheridy mate." (why is it no longer possible to say "charity" in the manner it was originally intended?)
I was going to ask for your squiggle but I was about a million people back in the queue and you'd quite sensibly left before I managed to stagger to the front.
The Mangan-fangirls scared me.
Re: the documentary on the DVD- as far as I can make out my only appearance on that is as a blur when the camera pans from Victoria playing the harmonica to Michelle singing. A blur.
Yes, I was positively over-exposed by comparison, so I'm not complaining.
There's lots of stuff about the power station used in the dream sequence though, so thats- COMMENT SUDDENLY ENDS.
And other commenters - I didn't stay around at the signing too long, for fear like I was looking like a massive loser who has to feed off the actors' fame like a slinky and fabulously-haired leech.
I didn't have a signing pen with me anyway - quite glad it didn't occur to me to take one, as I feel I would have fallen at that moment into some kind of J-Lo-style, referring-to-self-in-third-person type nightmare alternative dimension evil me.
The fangirlies sound almost as scary in real life as they are on the forum.
I know quite a lot of people who went to the signing to see you, James, but they were probably just shy.
A blur? You were lucky.
The nearest thing to an acknowledgement of my existence was some footage of my children dancing with the documentary 'maker'.
For 'cheridy' you say, think I know which one!
Runs away with BIG grin!!
Who is 'Rob'? Why does he keep commenting here? Why can no-one remember him at writers meetings?
The whole thing's a mystery...
That is a really nice photo of the back of my head James, standing just behind the man in the green t-shirt. I'd have liked autographs from all three of you, but its not the first thing you say when introduced.
i brought my llama, he was v pleased to meat everybody
Hurrah Skua! I was hoping to catch someone off the blog.
Flic 2, if you don't sort out your spelling, I'll have to ask you to 'alpaca' it in.
SCORE!!!!
Also, hello Flic 2
hello
ha
Missed opportunity for "and that was just the teachers, aah" I felt there. But my expectations were still confounded and thus the humour occurred. movqto is the word thingy, by the way. Isn't that Klingon?
And while we're on the subject of Alpacas, to anyone who doesn't already know- Alpacas can hum. Great, isn't it?
Best Ever Song About Alpaca(s)
Damn couldn't get to signing due to effing uni stuff. Grr. btw james, I have emailed you and you didn't reply!
I am tall, yes, but Richard is tall, also, and together we are The Tall Writers (Rob pretends he is tall, but in fact he is short). Also we're going to have to put up some kind of tags on the backs of peoples heads in that photo (or in real life).
Kalista, apologies for delay in replying to email, your blog is up on blogroll SO IT HAD BETTER BE GOOD. Go over to Kalista's blog and say hello EVERYONE NOW.
Sorry, I go all capitals when my blood sugar is low. Off for tea now.
James used the big scary voice
Hello James, I was also hoping to catch you - I even had my own pen, but the rest of the queue clearly didn't understand the urgency of letting me through.
Heh. I keep misreading things terribly lately, and I was thinking... how is Manganators any better? But, thinking back, it's actually very cool.
I am now torn between being very upset that I couldn't go as, obviously, you are all ace, and being glad I didn't through fear of Volume of People and also Scary Fangirls.
I am a fangirl. But I am not scary. That's what it says on the restraining order.
Or Mangonelles? Which doubles as a slightly misspelled medieval siege weapon, excellent.
Someone else asked if I could put their blog on my roll, and I didn't and now I feel guilty. I may do a separate post for that very purpose soon.
Hello people who wanted me to sign stuff - next time just shout, I'm quite obedient.
Just organise your own signing James, become the cornish diva!
Well, in honesty I'd probably have forgotten to ask you to sign my DVD, as I was actually hoping to ask you if Ms P was with you or there at all because I missed her at the Bearded Ladies filming and wanted to say hello.
Of course, I would still have expressed my appreciation for your contribution to GW and blogging in general. And I'd have let you sign my DVD if you wanted to.
Aww Skea! Aren't you glad you did come now! You met us, plotted with the actors, writers (Spence and Terri.. Kate told me everything! Muhaha) and to top it all, got into James' photo!
James you didn't mingle very well! I was going to come over and tell you about the dream involving Hitler and Big brother, but my feet were already aching by that point. I'm sure you are gutted about not hearing about that dream though...
Why must I live in the god forsaken North? Nothing ever happens up here.
Anyway,
'one million rabid Mac fans'
Make that 'one million p***ed off Mac fans' if episode 9 doesn't go our way! ;)
I really really really want the boxset. I wonder who I can bribe to get them to import it for me.
would you like to sign a GW DVD for me and stick it in the post, as the one I've ordered from HMV seems to be lost - I have visions of our local postman pat sitting in his sorting office watching MY DVD and gafforthing.
>>I was actually hoping to ask you if Ms P was with you or there at all because I missed her at the Bearded Ladies filming and wanted to say hello.<<
Aimee, I missed you again! I was there for a brief minute just to marvel at the insanity, before absconding for a drink round the corner. Of course being of tiny height I couldn't actually see anything apart from a very long queue, bah.
I just used the word Manganelles on another, incidentally very wonderful, forum, thinking I was the dog's for being so damn clever - then I come here to catch up and what do I see? Dammit.
"ONE MILLION rabid Mac fans who would happily have torn me limb from limb at the merest gesture from their ginger love god.
Awh, bless. I wouldn't have torn you limb from limb even if JRT HAD clicked his finely-structured fingers. Plus, now I've seen you proper-like on the dvdocumentary, you're quite the looker.
...Surely the Julian fans should get a JH-approved moniker. RhindTuttettes? No...? Sounds a bit like tourettes.
Patroclus, next time - no escaping. Or absconding. Or any similar activity.
And I bet I nearly saw you too, as I was at one point relatively near James and saw him gesturing to someone about going for a drink and the thought of eavesdropping to coincidentally bump into people post-signing did cross my mind, but I decided that was a little too close to stalking for my liking so I turned away and didnt.
But if I had, I'm sure I'd have seen you. If only I was more stalkery. Or stalkeresque.
We don't mind the term fangirls.
And btw we very much noticed you on the DVD and if you don't mind me saying, you're quite hot.
I asked them to turn down the studio lights a bit, but they weren't going for it. Still, kind of you to notice.
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