Went off for a (relatively) early morning swim, to discover the bins I had put out last night had been not so much 'emptied' as tipped all over the driveway. Binbags everywhere, most of which torn open by seagulls; empty noodle wrappers and Games Workshop carriers displayed for all to see. My life, rained on.
Now I've looked this up, and yes, this is almost exactly the opposite of what binmen are supposed to do. Every other bin on the street has been emptied normally. Clearly I have in some way annoyed the binmen. I am now unnerved.
Had quite a pleasant swim, went to sign out, and there's a bit on the form when you have to put the time down. It's important to fill out forms properly, lest the British Empire collapse, and the only thing we have left is guitar bands and being baddies in American films. So I extended my wrist with unnecessary flamboyance - only to realize my watch was still in my pocket. Fortunately, someone had signed just before me, so I just copied their time. I did consider adding a minute, for verisimilitude, but the chance of the minute barrier being crossed between our respective signings seemed slim, so I cast caution to the wind and didn't bother.
The girl on the desk gave me a slightly odd look on the way out, at which point it occurred to me that either a) she thinks I have an invisible watch, or b) she thinks I think I have an invisible watch, which is much worse.
Wandered back through town, popped into Best Mate's art gallery to say hi (she doesn't own it, she just frames things and looks nice), bought stuff from the farmers' market, got in to realize my flies are wildly undone. Maybe that's why the swimming pool girl gave me an odd look. Not sure if this is better or worse.
I've only been up two hours, and have already played out a three-act farce. I'm going back to bed now. I think it safest.