Seriously, I got a virus on my mac. You have to try really hard to get one of those. I was in the apple store earlier today and overheard a member of staff tell a customer that 'you can't get viruses on a mac, it's totally impossible', which made me want to say 'well, why have I got one then?' and also 'so how come you sell antivirus software, hmm? You smug, lying, balding, smug man.'
Actually, to give apple their due, it is incredibly hard to get a virus on a mac (pretty much the only way you can get one is if it lurks in a Word attachment, technically hidden in a macro, although I reckon this one was lurking behind the word 'concierge', which always seems suspicious).
In fact, thinking about it, the different store assistant I tried to get some advice off of was also french. Maybe he put it there. I normally try to avoid naming and shaming, as like spider-man, I am aware that the awesome power of the blog comes also with an accompanyingly terrifying responsibility, but seriously, if you're even vaguely high up in the apple store on regent street please sack the french bloke, whose information-passing-on-technique consists of saying 'yers, we doo 'ave the anti-virus software' and taking down the box I had pointed at just a second before.
'So,'I repeated with the patience of a particularly patient saint, 'to repeat my earlier question, does it remove a virus that might be on there already? Or is really more of a barrier against you getting them in the first place?'
He sighed frenchly at the display copy, turning it over in his calloused, wine-stained stinky french paws and shrugging slightly.
'Eet ees anti-virus software' he said, and tried to press it into my clean english hands. I would have none of it, frankly, and took an un-besmirched one off the shelf instead. And then I put that back as well and decided to do a bit more research and as a last resort get it off amazon instead. AND BURN APPLE TO THE GROUND.
Seriously though, I want him sacked. The heat has made me ruthless. I am utterly without ruth.
Other than that, gosh I had a few days. Oh, it was the Fifth Doctor (who was also a vet, and worked in a university surgery) who I bothered a bit. I was at this studio, and I got lost, not helped because they were building the set around me even as I wandered about, including a hedge that grew up while my back was turned - I was expecting David Bowie to start singing a song about goblins any minute - and then I saw said actor, who I knew was heading back to the main part of the set. So I said loudly 'ooh, I'll follow you back to the main bit because I'm lost, so I'll follow you back to the main bit, because I'm lost', and he frowned at me a bit, because to be honest, I could have just followed him, I didn't have to announce what I was doing (twice), but that's what happens when you meet childhood icons, you try and treat them normally, then realize afterwards you have in fact behaved a bit oddly.
Anyway, the important bit is that for thirty rather awkward seconds or so, I trailed behind him down a corridor.
So I 'accompanied' him. I was 'in his company'.
So, working it through to its logical conclusion, I was, for those few short moments, 'a Doctor Who Companion'.
Yes, yes, you may touch me.
Later on, he went to do a bit of acting, and I'm pleased to say I hadn't put him off at all, he was jolly good. I considered popping up behind a bit of set and giving him a big thumbs-up and mouthing 'It's all right, I found my way back, look!' but decided that would be semi-unprofessional.