The woman (UPDATE: actually 'woman' sounds a bit terse - how about 'nice lady with a very pleasant-sounding voice'?) at Channel 4 who deals with writer's payments is only in the office three days a week.
Later this week I have a meeting with a Top Comedy Exec* to whom I have, erm, 'referred' in this very blog. I used to worry about execs reading this blog before they met me. Then I realised most of them haven't even read the scripts before they met me.**
Anyway, I decided that deleting any references to said exec on this blog would be an act of utmost cowardice. So I went ahead. But now I'm writing about it anyway! I might be insane.
Apparently he is terribly nice though. And extraordinarily handsome. Either way, I suspect we're going to end up playing...
A game for two players. Player 1 ('The Producer') faces Player 2 ('The Writer') across a large desk.
The Producer has in his hand a sheet of paper, on which is written a list of words, known as 'Buzzwords'. These words are changed each financial year. The Writer is not allowed to see these words, although the rules do allow him to memorize a number of Buzzwords from the previous game.
The Buzzwords for last year, for example, were: 'grotesque', 'dark', uncomfortable', 'surreal', 'single camera' and 'trag-com'.
The Writer suspects that Buzzwords this year are: 'family', 'warm', 'silly', 'multi-camera', 'bold' and 'trad-com', but without being able to see the Producer's piece of paper, he has no way of knowing.
The game begins when Producer offers the Writer a cup of coffee, or glass of water. The Writer turns this offer down, or, if he wants to use the Tortured Genius Gambit and asks for a glass of water and a neurofen, then the game begins.
The Writer must attempt to use as many current Buzzwords as possible in the time allotted for the meeting. Each time the Writer guesses a correct and current Buzzword the Producer will Lean Forward In An Interested Way. Each time the Writer accidentally uses one of the previous years Buzzwords, the Producer will Wince Uncomfortably.
If the writer manages to get five Buzzwords in a row, the Producer will jump up from his chair and shout 'House!' (nothing to do with Hugh Laurie). The Writer will be declared the winner, and must return to his base to await news from his agent.
Agent will then contact Producer. A new game, known as 'Contract Wrangling' will begin. This will go on for some time.
*Not that one, the other one.
** Celine from Pathe did both. Go Celine!
UPDATE: apparently Buzzword Bingo already exists as an actual teambuilding game. Dear god in heaven. Possible alternative names: Cliché Seesaw, The Shibboleth Shuffle, Wanker's Tennis.