Sunday, May 21, 2006

Boik

An excellent trip up to London. I knew that engineering works was going to necessitate taking a coach from Falmouth to Truro, where I could catch the proper train to London, but had I expected the coach to carom, career and ricochet around EVERY WINDING LANE IN CORNWALL? Foolishly, no, I had not. What joy. What larks.

Eight hours later I was still trying not to throw up on my X-Men t-shirt, a congruence of imagery that probably wouldn't scream professionalism. So when I finally got to my meeting with Big Comedy Executive, already feeling a tad disoriented, you can probably imagine how close I came to actually falling over when I pushed open the door to be greeted by Lenny Henry pointing at my chest and shouting 'WOLVERINE!'.

Fortunately I was able to pull myself together and make quite a witty remark about how Big Comedy Executive had clearly set aside an afternoon to meet everyone with the surname 'Henry'.

Unfortunately it came out 'WurghaweavenunHenry!'

LENNY HENRY: (kindly) Yes.

Not that LH would have any clue to my identity, but it turned out Big Comedy Executive didn't actually know who I was either. Clues being the questions a) ''who are you?' and b) 'what's this meeting about?'. So even had I been on tip-top physical shape, on my way back from Professor McEnunciate, Voice Coach To The Stars, it still wouldn't have worked.

Fortunately the next evening was the cast and crew screening of ep 8 of GW (previous post seems to be the place for comments on that one), so I was able to stride manfully up to Close Personal Showbiz Chum Tamsin Greig, who knows LH fairly well, and ask her to explain to said LH that if it ever came up in conversation, the tall bloke with Wolverine on his chest was trying to explain about the combination/coincidence of surnames, and was not in fact a drooling moron.

TG: Well if it comes up, I'll be sure to tell him.
ME: Ta.
TG: What was your surname again?
ME: Henry.

Long pause.

ME: (cont'd) That being THE POINT OF THE FUCKING STORY.
TG: Yes, well you see, you started it so very long ago.
ME: (impressed) Oh, touche.

Also I got to see The Da Vinci ohnoesI'vefallenasleep.

47 comments:

Anonymous said...

So the Da Vinci code was a bit boring then? Hee, hee. Even though I would love to know what the cast and crew's reaction to the public out pouring of opinion on GW 8 is, can you say what the outcome was of the meeting with the Big Comedy Executive?

Elfgirl said...

I went to see The Da Vinci Code yesterday and burst out laughing more than once (guess which lines). In a very packed cinema. People were not impressed. But I only nodded off three times and not all during the second half.

Anonymous said...

ooooh, is it really awful? I've got to sit through this tomorrow night and don't have a get out clause. Read somewhere that Ian McKellen has to deliver great long chunks of plot in lengthy monologues. Quite keen to see Tom Hanks with straight hair though.

Evans said...

I'd like to share that Mr. Henry tried to entertain himself halfway through Da Vinci by turning up the house lights of the cinema on his return from the loo. He reached an audience tut-factor of 5.8.

jk said...

Oooh - getting excited about X3 though!

patroclus said...

It's amazing how the entire world has gone nuts over the quite frankly imbecilic 'coded puzzles' in the Da Vinci Code, and yet no one seems to be at all interested in resurrecting the mysterious lost language of the Picts.

Perhaps I should make a cinéma vérité film which everyone who's watched or read the Da Vinci Code will be forced to watch, and in which I (played with a hitherto unseen monotony of expression by Audrey Tautou) do nothing but pore over an Excel spreadsheet of Ogham inscriptions for two and half hours while listening to Archer Prewitt's 'Wilderness' album with my headphones on so the audience can't hear it.

That'll learn them.

Not sure that made any sense, but it felt good.

Elfgirl said...

I work in a library, I *had* to read it, if only to stop people nagging me about it. I preferred the film, although maybe not for the right reasons. Did they have to make Paul Bettany look like Billy Idol? It does take away a certain degree of menace.

dizzi said...

I've not read that book, it's too intellectual for me but I'm going to see the film tomorrow (hey Paul Bettany's in it, I don't need to pay attention to the actual storyline do I? I can just drool) and if it really is a snoozefest then at least I'll catch up on some lost sleep.

And haha at Tamsin!

Squarah said...

One of the surrealist moments of my life involved overtaking Lenry Henry in my stuttery old Metro while he was huffing and puffing away on his bicycle through Arborfield near Reading! One of those "pinch-yourself-did-that-really-happen" moments!

As for the 'Code' - read the book (but preferred Angels and Demons) and intend to see film (even if it the reason might involve a certain albino monk!)

Anonymous said...

Psh can we have more details of your cast and crew get together!

Like complete transcripts of every conversation and did you actually shave Julian's hair off?

Aimee said...

Oh dear, the Da Vinci Code film was less than good then? I'm ashamed to say that I fell hook line and sinker for the book along with the masses. My all-consuming laziness traits reach as far as my reading habits: I have a secret passion for easily-readable novels.
Mingling with Lenny Henry and the GW cast. Thats an incentive to all would-be writers if ever one was needed.
By the way, noticing your use of Professor McEnunciate, was it you who came up with Boyce's "Professor McMay from Pedantics" & "Professor McCan from Paediatrics" earlier on in Series 2 of GW?

cello said...

I'm really tempted to read the book, particularly as lazing around a pool beckons. But I don't want people to think that I'm a total moron. What sort of expression do I need to do to make it clear that I am reading it sceptically and ironically?

Ooh, and Pat, talking of mysterious codes, we went to Bletchley Park last weekend and I told the boys all about your Turing enthusiasm. They had a lovely time ... and I bought 2 mugs that reveal secrets when there's hot liquid inside them. But not the Da Vinci ones.

Aimee said...

Cello, those mugs sound like an ironing board cover my mother recently bought as a (supposedly) joke present for her friend.
There is a slick and muscular Italian-looking (but I'm willing to bet NOT actually Italian) young man on the front with a rather smarmy smile. And certain things are revealed when a warm iron is used.
Not at all tacky, no.

la said...

Steve and Tamsin say in the audio commentary for episode 1.5 that they do remember the writers' names - just not their last names...:)

James Moran said...

I had a Lenny Whatshisname encounter, too. Was in a meeting, trying to be all professional, when he wandered past, waved at the exec I was meeting, then waved at me to be polite, and wandered off. My mouth kept trying to talk, but my brain kept going "Trevor McDoughnut just waved at me" so I lost my train of thought. Clearly it was sabotage.

gaaaaah said...

yes, please give us details on the friday night thingy.

and do you honestly wear x-men t-shirts?
well, better than t-shirts with rodent vikings on them.

Elfgirl said...

How can you not like X-Men t-shirts?!

flossie said...

I think the main problem with the film is that everyone has read the book, so there's no sense of surprise or shock. You just sit there thinking "oh so now they'll go to blah...".

Could Paul Bettany have been any more goggle eyed? Very offputting. And the accent was somewhat Speedy Gonzalez at first.

And yes, the cinema I was in openly laughed at a few lines..

patroclus said...

cello: I know the very mug whereof you speak. In fact I have one on my desk. I never fail to squeal delightedly when the application of hot tea (Twinings Chai, splash of semi-skimmed, thanks very much) reveals its hidden secrets.

I am thirty-five. Oh dear.

Hayley said...

Well done Tamsin!
Having read The Da Vinci Code when the book first came out I must admit that I can only remember what the main plot is and not many of the exact lines or action points in it, I did after all only read it once instead of my usual 'because I'm bored I shall read it another five times'-syndrome. However, the only reason I would ever go and watch the film would be down to the fact that it stars Paul Bettany, and to laugh at Tom Hanks' hair!
I have often forgot someone's surname, or even the whole of it, thus leading to my friends actually answering when I call out 'thingy', 'bod' or person...how sad is that?! On a lighter note, that was rather a good observation to have straight after a bus journey like that (I've had many and still not been thinking coherently the next day, let alone tring to speak!)
C Ya H.

Jayne said...

Have no desire to see the Da Vinci Code, although an albino murderous monk would normally be reason enough to shell out the money...

Pashmina said...

I have every intention of seeing the Da Vinci film, if only because it will take up less of my life than reading the book would. Also if I disguise myself heavily enough on the way into and out of the cinema, no-one will ever know...

Jennifer said...

Couldn't have said it better myself, Pashmina.

Obviously, I could just say I'm an illiterate lazy git; but you make it sound much less self-depreciating. :-p

Now, free of exams for two years until my Screen Practice course beginneth, hopefully my literacy will come back of its own accord...

Pickled Princess said...

Well you know what I think? I think you should make up a new name for yourself that no one will forget. Something overly elaborat and a bit on the daft side. Thats what I'd do anyway.

OOOoooooo get you talking about all your showbiz mates. No I'm not at all jealous..Honest...I'm not!



Ok so I am, I don't care what you think of me. I have this large bar of chocolate to cheer me up, and tell me how wonderful I am.

Anonymous said...

Do you realise how much speculation this clip has caused?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7QlR72q7-Y

Just thought i'd let you know. :)

james henry said...

Imagine how much more speculation there would have been if the camera had moved just an inch or so to the left to reveal - />'ekmn089dsjlas(&(*&)((((((((((

*transmission jammed*

richard said...

Hee hee! You can see a tiny picture of me on the notice board behind Alan Botney's head in the opening seconds of the clip. Just to the left of his right ear.
Anyway, the thing you've got to remember about the funeral- Christ there's someone at the window with a cross bow! I think it's;''.
;'''''''''''''''''

*gaaaah* said...

do you know in ep 8 where guy sits in front of sue white and whinges?
that's what i want to do until christmas.

*ehhh*

Anonymous said...

oh you think you're so titting funny, dont you?

Anonymous said...

"oh you think you're so titting funny, dont you?"
If that was aimed at me I would like to apologise unreservedly. It should, of course, have read ;''.
;''''''''''''**'''

Jayne said...

Oh you're such teases!

LMS said...

Bugger and damnation - I missed the last episode of GW as I was in Paris watching The Da Vinci Code (whilst also partaking in various other clichés). Now I only have to wait a year or so for the series 2 DVDs so I can finally see it - no spoilers please in the meantime.

I think the film was better with bits partially in French without English subtitles as it saved me from the appalling script for some of the time. However it did improve somewhat when Magneto showed up.

I have no Lenry Henry anecdote, however I have been in a cramped lift with Dawn French. Oh how we laughed.

Tifa said...

Oh you are so damn evil you cocky bastards :P
I bet you're loving the power you have. Green Wing forums all over the internet are speculating and analysing that funeral clip and ep 8.

You seriously expect us to wait 7 months? *cries*

xXx

love's child said...

I intended to watch The Da Vinci Code but the 6-hour break between lessons I was supposed to have disappeared with the cancellation of a lecture. And now I am too swamped to go watch it. And after what I heard, I'm only planning to watch it because I said I wanted to and if I suddenly changed my mind I'd look bad. So yeah, I'm just stubborn. HAH.

I could also hide in there and sleep if it isn't good. Or cry over Paul Bettany doing psychotic things.

dizzi said...

I went to see the Da Vinci Code yesterday and it made so sense to me whatsoever (though one of the bits which was supposed to be a big surprise at the end I knew from the beginning so HA!). Maybe I should have read the book first after all. But then the friend I went with who had read the book sat and nitpicked at all the plot holes the whole way through. So maybe it doesn't matter either way, the films just generally crap.

But Paul Bettany really does rock my socks.

dizzi said...

I meant *no sense to me whoopsie

Mongoosian said...

The real problem is they ARE so titting funny! Seriously all this attention must be going to their heads. ;)

belladona said...

Cello, it might be fun for you to read it but only if you read quite fast. Too slow and the massive plot holes will become unbearable. If you do read fast however (and I'm guessing you do) then it's highly entertaining (well, until you get to the end and realise that it made no real sense). An enjoyable but brainless read.

Tifa said...

Oh my, Paul Bettany?
Just remembered who he is, he's the lovely Mr Chauccer from A Knights Tale! Oh yes, I like him indeed.
I really do want to see it now :P Awesome

xXx

p.s. Just re-watched series one Green Wing today, I really do love it a lot. And the writing is fantastic, well done you. Although I've heard the scene between Sue and Guy with the child is improvised. They are clever chappies

liathe said...

Re: more Green Wing speculation, I just thought you'd like to know that the line that Caroline quotes from Brief Encounters at the train station in episode 8 has been spotted by some very sharp people over on the C4 forums. ("It's awfully easy to lie when you know that you're trusted implicitly. So very easy, and so very degrading.")

It's stirring up an awful lot of new speculation over there and on the LiveJournal community, especially given the context in which it is said in the film!! At least we have all these little clues (or red herrings?) to keep us going until Christmas ...

You writers are just too fiendishly clever! Can I ask who was responsible for that little gem? :p

Terri (TheTalespinner) said...

Ah, it's been a while since I came here - fellow Westcountry person you were kind enough to reply to via e-mail some time ago. (Did you move in the end, and did you make it across the beeg water into Devon?) Anyway, just adding my thanks for all the laughs, and my congratulations at being so farting clever! Was it your line about when you die you go to Devon, btw? (or Deven, as someone on the C4 forum calls it, to my eternal irritation!)

Jennifer said...

Argh! Liathe! Don't tell him that! He'll just go ahead and murder Mac now we know!

:-p Only joshin'. I know James is the nicest of ALL the writers.

Ahem.

Lucy said...

"Imagine how much more speculation there would have been if the camera had moved just an inch or so to the left to reveal - />'ekmn089dsjlas(&(*&)(((((((((("

I've already made up my mind about whose funeral it is (and whose it isn't), but this comment still killed me. Damn you.

nanga parbat said...

Just checking but is "boik" Cornish for "boak" (as they say in Scotland) and "bowk" (Cumbrian language version) meaning to puke?
I wasn't sure...

Word verification - uidbjp; intra-uterine device blow job proof!

I'll get me coat.

james henry said...

Hello Nanga - yes, that's exactly what it means. Onomatopoeia rules!

Jennifer said...

Ah! We say 'boke' here in Scotland.

I did wonder.

Barry Hutchison said...

I know I'm yonks late with this reply to the above comment, but I moved from Scotland to Ireland a couple of months ago. Down the road is a fast food takeaway place called "The Boaker". Makes me laugh every time.

There's also a restaurant 20 miles up the road called "Mingin". Someone should probably tell them.