Sourced by the lovely cello - cheers m'dear. Hope everyone had a good christmas. I don't mean just people who read this blog-thing, I mean everyone. That's the kind of guy I am.
My Truro Nan (as opposed, and she usually is, to my London Gran), was laid low Christmas Day by a stomach bug, and was unable to fulfill her usual role of nodding gently to London Gran's stories whilst surreptitiously turning her hearing aid off and going to sleep, a result that usually pleases everyone.
London Gran, you see, is also hard of hearing, but covers it by talking more of less constantly. A Gran set very much on 'transmit' rather than 'receive'. I should add for the record she is a lovely lady, heart of Cockernee gold, terrible childhood, bombs etc.
Anyway, without Truro Nan acting as the immovable object to her irresistable force, KARR to her KITT and so on, I inevitably became the focus of a monologue. I turned in about half an hour later to hear:
GRAN: ... so I've got a grant for the community centre, for computer education, because I said, it's ipod this, and ipod the other and I've never even seen an ipod, so how in this day and age-
ME: I've got an ipod! I can show you!
I dash out of the room.
GRAN: (still going) ... where he thought he was driving that coach to, I've no idea..
ME: (bearing ipod) This is an ipod!*
GRAN: And would you believe, some of the other grants were over a thousand pounds!
ME: This is an ipod!
GRAN: For bingo! Went to our ethnic bretheren of course.**
ME: This is an ipod!
GRAN: Helps their counting skills they say.
ME: This is an ipod!
GRAN: Helps them count their winnings from the council I thought to myself.
ME: This is an ipod!
GRAN: So I found the organiser, scotch he was, lowland accent...
ME: This is an ipod!
GRAN: And it turned out he got married where I was stationed during the war!
PAUSE.
GRAN: (looking at the small white shiny thing I'm holding out in my hand) What's that love?
ME: (also staring down, puzzled) I have no idea. My mind's gone completely blank.
* I hope you'll note I resisted the 'And hoo boy, there's a tale attached to this one!' temptation. Stick to the basics, with grans.
** Please note that my gran attends a west indian church, and is herself kind-of-sort-of-might-be jewish, although we can't be sure, and she'd probably deny it anyway.
18 comments:
Those are the Best Baubles. Ever.
Yes they are - and they were a blog freebie as well! All hail cello!
Heh heh, I have a post in draft that contains some of my Granny's choice quotes, but now people will think I'm copying...
Your London Gran sounds great. But then she does live in "the" Bush, where all the best people live.
In view of what patroclus has said, may I just flag up (in a non blog-pimping sort of way) that I shall be posting a photo-cartoon on my blog on Thursday (advance planning, you see) which may to some readers suggest inspiration from toy-fu, but which is definitely not plagiarism.
Honest.
But if you really object, I'll pull it.
Ooh, I wish I could claim rights over the 'talking toys' genre... but thanks for letting me know.
Obviously if there' a glasses-wearing dinosaur called Steve with a penguin staff (name unknown) I'll send a carful of agents round, but otherwise I think it'll be fine.
Cheers though - and I got the Da Vinci Card joke, by the way.
I'm sure you did. (Swoons at thought that James read his blog.)
The 'toon involves cricketers, so I think there is little chance of overlap.
A friend of mine so-nearly got the rights to adapt The Moomins and wrote a great script while waiting for the deal to be signed but sadly the rights are still tied up...
Blimey, that's exciting! In my head there's a spookily great live-action verion with CGI characters, against LOTR-style gnarly woods, with design by Tord Boontje. I should really be a producer, it's much more fun than actual writing...
I'm thinking that an Elle Deco style makeover is exactly what the LOTR franchise needs in order to make it hip among the lucrative urban fashionista market. For example, here is urban Galadriel in her so-fashionable-it-hurts gaff.
The Moomin franchise, of course, is already there.
Some of - I got into it once they stopped using canned laughter. Quoi?
Ooh can you actually buy the moomin baubles? I'm thinking I maybe able to use them in my future xmas shopping gift guides. You could say that moomins is a cartoon soap opera sub-genre? No?
miss moon, they were from the Skandium shop in Marylebone High Street, as drawn to our attention by the never-knowingly-under-shopped Pashmina. And, at £3 a pop, I thought they were a complete steal. Lots of other Moomin merchandise in there but for rather more dosh.
Thanks Cello, sounds like a curious shop. I'll have to check it out! x
er hello, long time lurker, first time commenter and all that.
Two things. Well three actually, but the last one won't really count.
1 - I have no grans left - can I adopt one of yours? Living in London, I would've thought London gran would be easiest. I make a good cup of tea.
2 - Last year, by chance I caught on Radio4 a serialisation of Tove Jansson's book about her childhood. It was utterly magical and even better than the Moomins.
3 - Oh I'm too embarrassed now.
You might regret that.
And yes, if that book's 'The Summer Book', I thought it was marvellous - certainly enriches the Moomin books when you go back to them.
3 - There's no embarassment here.
I have searched and it was the Sculptor's Daughter - I even saved the 'listen again' episodes from that week to my computer, which subsequently imploded. Somewhere in my house is a CD with all that my brother could extract from it- if I ever find it I'll try and mail the episodes. They make you feel like sucking your thumb and snuggling into a blanket. (Which is a nice thing, if anyone's in any doubt)
Never heard of that one - am now scurrying off to internet to find out more...
WV: zeekmerf. Surely the Moomin King?
Funnily, I was thinking of "Moominland Midwinter" the other day. It was the first Moomin book I ever got. I got it for Xmas when I was Seven, so that would be ... oh god ... 32 years ago.. 1973.
It scared the hell out of me, but in a good way. I rather think there's an aspect of this which has been laundered out of the TV adaptations. (sarcasm) Wouldn't want to scare the kiddies, now, would we?
Some times children want to be scared.
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