Tuesday, June 23, 2009

We shall call it 'The Snot-B-Gone'

Into Mothercare on Monday, to buy a parasol to fix onto the front of the Blue Kitten's pushchair. However, just as I approached the counter and came to say the word 'parasol', I realised I had never actually said the word aloud before, and became gripped by the fear the store assistant would react thusly:

ASSISTANT: Ooooooh, a parasol! Ai didn't realize ai was working in an boutique for Edwardian ladies! Hark, as I sell the parasol, bracin' meself for the inevitable twirlin' and promenadin' that will inevitably take place! Ooooooh, a parasol! And so on.

So it came out out like:

ME: Excuse me, can you tell me if you sell a *mumbles* parasol, which I can attach to the front of a pushchair?

ASSISTANT gives me an odd look.

ASSISTANT: I'm not sure we really do that sort of thing.
ME: Really?
ASSISTANT: Do you mean maybe a small plastic one?
ME: Well, normal size, for, you know, a parasol.
ASSISTANT: (relieved) Oh! I thought you said 'roundabout'!
ME: ...

Later, this item arrived in the post. I can confirm that in operation, this devise is both DISGUSTING and AWESOME.


14 comments:

BlackLOG said...

I do love the English language and the problems with pronunciation :-

A neighbour was in conversation with my father about the lovely brewery that she had got for the living room. My dad was a bit confused (probably thinking it was one of those new fangled Microbrewery's, remember this was the 70's) and was thinking he might get some free beer. Fortunately he never asked for any beer as it turns out that what she meant was a Bureau/writing desk.

The other classic was a friends brother who took a girl out to dinner on the first date.Looking through the menu and trying to be suave and sophisticated he asked the waiter for some of those "Crud-ites"

He woke up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat and screamed "Noooooo crude-ee-tay, it's bloody crude-ee-tay"

I don't believe he made it to a second date....

PK said...

We have a similar disgusting item. Tis a teardrop shaped thingie which we insert in baby's nose. You squeeze and then let go and the mucus fest (and screaming) begins.
When I first started using it I used to check for stray bits of brain matter. I'm a bit of a wuss like that.
PK.

Jayne said...

You'll have her in a bonnet and bustle next...

ScroobiousScrivener said...

We also have a teardrop-shaped version. I like the name Snot-B-Gone much better than, as we have been calling it, the "sucky thing".

Billy said...

Ooh one of they paraosols.

(I can only do Bristolian not Cornish accents, sorry)

Alf Lurker said...

Reminds me a bit of the Swedish Chemist Shop sketch.

Anonymous said...

Ooh that is AWESOME - would be great when you have a streaming cold and your nose is too sore to blow - what do you do with the snot it collects though?

james henry said...

What you do is, you unscrew the end and tip out all the nastiness, give it a quick rinse and it's good to go again. It's a marvellous invention. Hopefully they'll bring out the next one with an mp3 player as well.

Sylvia said...

what a fab invention! Better than watching the same bit of snot going up and down all winter. Or was that just my children?
Parasols? now that is keen. Sun shades, sun umbrellas, those a words you could use. Or just throw a cloth over her. That's usually better as you're forever having to adjust the parasol.

Fi said...

That is my favourite parenting purchase to date, the nose clearing device - I had previously been tempted by rather more primitive modes of snot clearage but now there is no need! I love it!

The parasol is my LEAST favourite parenting purchase to date, which is actually the most annoying thing ever ever ever. Or so I find. I have given up on it now as the parasol rage is just too much to bear.

Also - hello (from Exeter, which is sort of your neck of the woods... Moreso than most places at least.) I think this is my first ever comment on your blog, though I have enjoyed it for a while. I don't usually have anything to say but I guess parasols and snot-b-gones are my bag.

Fiona (& a baby who is a little younger than Blue Kitten.)

james henry said...

Hellooo!

Imo said...

Oooh can you get Snot-b-gones for 5/6 year old noses. I've got visions of being able to rig up a line of about 10 for the children in class whose noses haven't seemed to have stopped producing snot since September! They could be 'snotted' at various times during the school day on a conveyor belt system.

Eleanor said...

To snot? Or to de-snot? Desnot?... snotted -- short for de-snotted.

This y'ere enlish language just keeps on growing. :)
Quick, work out which one and get it in the dictionary!

Mummy/Crit said...

I call ours 'the snot sucker' they're pretty good, but babies hate them (or at least mine do)