Wednesday, June 17, 2009

They were distracted by the Pic-n-Mix for about thirty seconds.

I am constantly taken aback by Patroclus' lack of knowledge about SF/Fantasy/Action films of various hue, and regard it as my solemn duty to educate her in the ways of films that involve time travel, zombies, robots, aliens, and sometimes all four at once. She doesn't seem to mind me doing this, and occasionally even tunes in for the last word or two, which is thoughtful.

However, even with my EXPERT TUITION, some allowances for our varying levels of interest in the history of genre movies must perhaps be made, explaining why Patroclus refers to one Guillermo del Toro film as 'Red Bloke' (with its sequel as 'Red Bloke 2'), while 'Reign of Fire' is known in these parts as 'The One With The Dragons And The Tomatoes' - tomatoes being apparently the ideal post-apocalyptic crop in a post dragon-ravaged world. Tragically, Christian Bale's fortress hideout appears to contain no corresponding pots of basil on its post-apocalyptic windowsills, which is perhaps why he got so cross in The Dark Knight when someone moved the light.

Anyway, I have now made a mental note to not even try and talk about this sort of stuff when I'm a bit tired, after the following debacle:

ME: Have you seen 'Underworld'?
PATROCLUS: What's it about?
ME: Sort of... vampires versus wereweres.


PATROCLUS: 'Wereweres'?
ME: I mean woolweres. Werewools. (beat) Woolworths.
PATROCLUS: 'Vampires versus Woolworths'?


ME: Yes.
PATROCLUS: Well that explains a lot.


patroclus said...

I think the original film is actually called 'That Red Bloke'.

I'm just not very good with films full stop. I must have seen The Matrix at least five times, but I couldn't tell you a thing that happens in it.

laurence timms said...

Have you two ever considered doing an "At Home With..."? That werewoolworths exchange was pure-spun comedy gold.

Vicus Scurra said...

I remember, with some fondness and not a little nostalgia, the days when Mrs S and I used to converse. We have outgrown the habit of course, and I have consequently not said anything remotely amusing these fifteen years.

patroclus said...

Laurence: This one was my favourite.

Jayne said...

So that's what happened to Woolworths...

laurence timms said...

Haha! Nihilistic cranberries.

Come on, do a podcast at the very least. Just leave the mic running for an hour each night and upload it the next day.

BlackLOG said...

Ok guys, well done you have managed to take out the evil that was Woolworths (innocent high street store my arse, it was a drop in center for chavs in tracksuits - fat chavs after they had raided the Pix n’ Mix).

How about doing the same for Argos and Ikea. It's all that mindless queuing that gets to me.

So first up it would be a modern take on ‘Jason and the Argonauts – promoting post modern feminism it would be "Pratoclus verses the Argos-nauts" In which Pratoclus gets fed up of hanging around waiting for her number to come up (sounds a bit like a no win lottery) Why is it the 200 people who come in after her always get their goods first....She takes her revenge by destroying the evil Argos empire which is devoted to sucking time out of peoples lives. (Except for the 200 people that arrive after you)

This would be followed by “Blue cat in Ikea - the lost years” in which Blue cat accidentally gets sucked into an Ikea store and spends the next twenty years attempting to get out after he strays off the path in a foolish attempt to get out with out visiting every single one of the stores departments – A journey which normally takes about 4 hours, as long as you don’t actually buy anything. If you do then don’t expect to be back before next weekend …..

Not sure if Cornwall has been blighted by Ikea – I hope for your sake it has not…..

Sylvia said...

hands off the Woolworths! Where else could a harrassed mother buy a never ending supply of velcro plimsolls, teapots, duvet covers to turn into Dr Who monster costumes, gifts for grasping continental cousins, last minute presents on the rare occasions that her friendless children were invited to a party, and batteries all within a 5 minute walk from her house.
It may have been rubbish, but haven't heard a parent yet NOT lament the passing of woolworths.

If you think Woolworths was awful, have you been to a 99p store at all?

As for Ikea, well, as Sartre would have said, "L'enfer, c'est Ikea"

It does have its uses, though. why pay to go to an indoor play area when you can just get your children to trash the sofa and bed departments.

And hands off Argos too - Ok, so it is like shopping in Soviet Russia, but with the aid of ring and reserve and the self service till, that's two out of three of the steps eliminated. When I see my item on the conveyor belt, I barge my way to the front to the counter, shriek "that's mine, that is" and wave my receipt. The staff are so scared they just hand over the goods, and I'm off, dragging my Lidl shopping trolley.

The Argos catalogue is so popular in our house we all have to have our own copies.

One Fine Weasel said...

'wereweres' just made me laugh til i parped :)