Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Skills mean kills.

I am playing *********, a computer game which involves cleaning up a modern city by jumping a lot, and kicking criminals to death.

ME: Look at this bit, this is great!

PATROCLUS: Are you killing civilians in the racing game?

ME: No, look!

My character in the game has kicked sufficient criminals to death in the game that he is now possessed of enormous physical strength. To demonstrate this, I pick up the front digger of a JCB that has unaccountably been left on a rooftop, and drop it onto a motorway fifteen storeys below. A hugely detailed pileup results, including a police car ramming into a gang car, ensuing in a massive fight which I watch until I get bored and lob a grenade, killing everybody involved.

PATROCLUS: Right, well, I'm going to bed.

I continue playing the game, and manage to kick another gang boss to death. Half an hour later, I take his machine gun and head off to the kill the uberboss, only for my hijacked sports car to run off the road and burst into flames, SOME IDIOT having left the front digger of a JCB in the middle of the road.

I think this game might be cleverer than I thought. Or I'm stupider than I thought. Both are possible.

11 comments:

Sylvia said...

I'll tell you what's possible, James - you'll find yourself all on your own to play computer games forever if you keep this up!

kaiki said...

i had a similar experience playing final fantasy vii for the first time (1997 multi disk japanese roleplay, i was in heaven) when i realised that almost every decision you’re asked to make and item you pick up or miss out will have an effect on your character later on in the game*. i almost swallowed my brain when i tried to figure it out.
*much like choose-your-own-adventure books in the eighties.

miss-cellany said...

Suddenly, flicking over warhammer figures in a shop in Truro seems OK..

*Ah, but Warlock of Firetop Mountain was a whole different thing..

Hamilton's Brain said...

It's called a bucket, James. And I thought writers researched!

james henry said...

The trick is not to overload the casual reader with unnecessary jargon.

Somewhere I've still got the folder full of stuff about air conditioners for a Bob the Builder episode...

Jen said...

I'm playing Final Fantasy XII just now... I've so far discovered I've lost out on getting a cool staff that kills everything you want because I opened every bloody treasure chest on the way.

I am such an amateur.

Now I'm trying to find a way out the Barheim Passage without DYING BECAUSE OF THINGS THAT FLY AT ME THAT CAN'T BE KILLED AND ELECTRICITY-GUZZLING SPIDERS.

I want that staff.

That game sounds cool though, James. May have to give it a whirl.

kirsten said...

Ooh sounds like a cool game. I never play any of these games anyway. I only play The Sims 2 when I want to exercise my megalomaniac tendencies.

Hamilton's Brain said...

I've recently been playing about with Second Life, but may have to abandon it following its mention on The Archers a couple of days ago.

patroclus said...

Second Life was mentioned on the Archers? In what context?

Hamilton's Brain said...

They quite sneakily crept round rules of product placement. One of the fathers spoke to his daughter who had been up at 2 in the morning studying, but had momentarily broken off so that she may play online in a virtual world where you can "lead a second life." The scene culminated in something about getting some food in her "virtual tummy".

I predict a storyline which will illustrate how one's small farm produce can be successfully marketed in World of Warcraft.

Jen said...

Awh MAN! Is 'Crackdown' only for the 360?

How unfair.