Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Spielberg in 'mostly watchable film' shock

My dedication to the craft can perhaps be judged by the fact that after my fit of howling indignation that the World of Warcraft server is down for updates, this is the next best option to actually Doing Some Writing. And I did fifteen hundred words words yesterday, so technically I only have to do five hundred today. But I thought a quick blog first. Then maybe into town or something. Falmouth must get an actual daytime cinema, so I can waste even more time. I saw War of the Worlds in London (a surprisingly okay movie) and Mr and Mrs Smith (most enjoyable, although it fizzled a bit at the end), but I was astonished to see Akiva Goldsman's name in the production credits, a man whose name is not normally associated with films that are in any way durable. As in lasting, but also as in sit-though-able. Although a trailer came up for Cinderella Man, which had have his clanking dialogue all over it like a rash (a special 'clanking' rash), so hopefully he's back on form. I've only been to LA once, and my only regret is that I never worked out which was his office, so I could press my face up against his window and whisper tearfully the words 'Why Lost in Space, Akiva? Why?'

Originally, the GW episode that was going to have me wittering all over it was episode five. In the event however, they put on episode two, and shouted 'Go and say something interesting and insightful - NOW!' Which was a shame, as I'd watched ep five the night before and planned a number of ad libs. So not to waste them, here they are:

'A lovely man. But very short in real life. And violently racist.'

'Those two don't get on.'

'Amazingly, this was the very first day of filming, even though it's half way through the series! Madness!'

'Ah, now, to be fair, he had just taken an extraordinary amount of cocaine.'

'That chair - completely computer-generated.'

'Her lines dubbed by Glen Close, there.'

'Green Wing of course originally based on the Japanese manga series 'Sparkling Magical Nonsense Doctor Time!'

'Originally, that bit had a lion in it.'

and finally,

'Ooh, he's a wanker!'

Didn't want to waste them. Also, for legal reasons, I should point out that none of the above are true. Apart from the bit about the lion, oddly (they used a camel in the end, which was a shame, but probably easier for insurance purposes. Also, Jack Davenport might not have wanted his wife killed just for a one-off visual joke).


Herge Smith said...

Akiva's movie C.V. on IMDB suggests he should be burnt at a stake. I,Robot!?! Rubbish - A Beautiful Mind - Rubbish dressed up as a small pile of bits, ready for the rubbish - Batman & Robin!?!? Beyond comment.

War of the Worlds was okay, still wish we could have seen the Guildford area get wiped out - y'know, for kicks.

Anonymous said...

Strictly speaking it was the Woking area (waves tattered old town allegiance).

Now two reasons not to go see a film of The Da Vinci Code, then.

Herge Smith said...

Strictly speaking it all kicked off on Horsell common, but I'm not interested in seeing Woking, Horsell, Chobham or Ottershaw getting whacked - I want Guildford to be taken out.

Big style - Land Rovers/ Range Rovers/ BMWs/ Merc's/ those awful MX whatevers all get vaped by the mighty Tripods as Guilfordians desperately try to escape down the A3.

Now that would be a great movie.

Orb said...

"Sparkling Magical Nonsense Doctor Time" is truly magnificent. I do a lot of research on IMDb for my job, and Japanese film titles are always good for a guffaw or two. My personal favourites so far:
"New Older Brother Legend"
"Eagle-Shooting Heroes"
and the all-time cinema classic...
"Love-Hungry Suicide Squad".

My band almost got named after the last one. Sadly we saw sense.

Bearded Lady said...

can i just say that in its defense Guildford does have bloody good charity shops

Wyndham said...

It's only when they reached Primrose Hill that the bacteria kicked in, of course. The tripods were no doubt all ready to enter a shop selling nick-nacks, and then the organic bakery, when they threw open their hatches and died en masses, their squiddly tentacles dangling over the side of the vehicle. North London sometimes does that to you.