Tuesday, June 14, 2011

CONTAINS HIGH DRAMA

Because my parents are SELFISHLY away on holiday, I find myself looking after two small children for the whole of Tuesday. On closer inspection, both chidren turn out to be mine, which rules out putting them on ebay, small wicker basket down the river Fal river etc.

Instead, I drive to Kimberley park, which is a good park, and park the car right next to the park (Editor's not: too many 'parks' please amend before publishing).

Heaving both children into double pram, I put my keys into my fleece pocket temporarily, which turns out to be more temporary than I anticipated when they slither out and straight down a drain.

'Ooooooh! says the Girl One interestedly.

I DO NOT PANIC, because on closer examination, the keys are just within arms' length. Although sadly, the grille is too narrow for me to get my big calloused writer's hand through, and the Girl One's head is too big for me lower her down, then meet me where the drain meets the sea. I actually did consider this.

I STILL DO NOT PANIC. Instead, I walk calmly to the garage round the corner, procure from them a piece of wire, return to the drain, fashion end of wire into hook, retrieve keys, return wire to garage, give them a sum of money equivalent to a working class 'pint, and continue calmly on my way.

Conclusion: I AM BATMAN.

10 comments:

Tim Footman said...

And when you got back to the car, it was blocked in, and you had to move the rope, and you seemed to hear the faint sound of sexy lesbian laughter...

james henry said...

OMG!!!!!!!

Vicus Scurra said...

Tim. Pls to not make James panic.

Salvadore Vincent said...

Yes, but put that in a sitcom script and they will tell you that it is 'unrealistic'.

Jayne said...

One day I'm going to make you write a book about how to be a superhero parent. Actually, now I come to think Patroclus is probably Batman - I see you as more of a Robin...

patroclus said...

Jayne: I am a rubbish parent - I spend 17 of my 18 waking hours at work. *sobs*

Jayne said...

Oh dear - good job you've got a Robin there to help you out...

Boz said...

YOU ARE MAN! ROAR!

I am intrigued by thow you handed over the money for the working class pint. Did you do the manly eyes-closed nodding business?

Rose Hart-Landsberg said...

That's really more Bond than Batman. Fancy car, lovely lady, high tech gadget. Definitely Bond.

Valerie said...

This reminds me disturbingly of the old text game of Adventure. Did you try saying "XYZZY" to see if would transport you to the other side of the grille?