Thursday, July 08, 2010

My Struggles With Sex Addiction (not like that)

I had a call from a large broadcasting company last week (the following conversations are approximate, but thematically accurate).

PRODUCER: We've had an idea for a series, and we think you'd be the perfect person to write for it. We are REALLY excited!
ME: Now I am excited too! What's the idea?
PRODUCER: It's about sex addiction.
ME: Erm.

Later

AGENT MATT: I mean, they have met you, haven't they?
ME: Yes.
AGENT MATT: I still don't understand.
ME: Well, I'm going up for some meetings anyway, so I may as well talk to them about it.

In fact, the more I think about it, the whole sex addiction thing is a really good hook to get a load of different characters together. It might work. I do a few pages on it.

At the meeting before the sex addiction meeting (not like that) I am talking to a different producer.

DIFFERENT PRODUCER: ... they have met you, though?
ME: I know!
DIFFERENT PRODUCER: Who's the producer?
ME: (the name)
DIFFERENT PRODUCER: Wait, isn't she the one with whom you told me you acted out eighteenth century sex against a wall having?

I think about it.

ME: Oh.
DIFFERENT PRODUCER: Yes.
ME: Hmm.
DIFFERENT PRODUCER: By the way, I like your new look. Sort of tweedy.

(I am wearing a proper actual shirt and suit jacket, and my hair has sort of gone a bit short and spiky with gel these days, although it's flopped a bit at the front, so the sides are the spikiest bits, shut up it's a look.

ME: Thank you! I was going for a Doctor Who sort of vibe.
DIFFERENT PRODUCER: Yes, I see that. Kind of... crossed with an owl.
ME: OH MY GOD OWLS ARE SO IN RIGHT NOW.

Later I have a meeting with the sex addiction Producer (not like that). We talk for a while about the concept, and try and figure out how it could work as a series, how you'd go in and out of the different characters' stories. And it's all really working quite well.

PRODUCER: This is really coming together! Why don't you talk with script editor over the next couple of weeks and we'll see about moving this on?
ME: Yes!
PRODUCER: And don't be afraid of making it quite edgy and graphic.
ME: (immediately) Okay, wait, I'm not the right person for this.
PRODUCER: Really?
ME: Mmm.
PRODUCER: You have had sex? I thought you said you had a second child due in six weeks.
ME: Yes. But I'm not actually very good at writing about it. I go all silly.
PRODUCER: Okay, no problem - the other thing I'm doing at the moment is trying to develop some science fiction concepts.
ME: WOOHOO!

All of which goes to show.

Different Producer, by the way, TOTALLY commissioned a pilot script about superheroes for an american channel. On the train on the way back I was all like 'oh hey sorry, I think I got a bit of awesome on you when I brushed past just then, sorry about that' and later when I had to walk down the corridor to get a thing, I was all 'tch, sorry, bit of awesome might have drifted onto your paper just then, not to worry, I have a lot of awesome to spare, what with being LITERALLY covered in awesome right now'. And I haven't even mentioned the Aardman meeting by the way, about which I should say: AMAZING.

However, I always find it a bit annoying when writers blog boring about how INCREDIBLE and COOL their new projects are, but can't say any details other than the INCREDIBLENESS and the COOLNESS, so I'll leave it there.

14 comments:

Dave said...

I feel any comment I leave here will be inadequate. Although perhaps the awesomness will slide down from your words to the comment column too.

james henry said...

It is the Sexy Trickle-Down Theory.

*pause*

Actually, forget I said that.

Vivienne said...

Too much awesomeness for a Thursday morning in the Westcountry. You'll have to excuse me, I need an owl.

Rosie said...

Incredibly cool. You're a hoot.

Jayne said...

I am in awe of your awesomeness. Also of your owlishness.

PS The pic of BK disturbs me - half of her looks gorgeous (rather like my niece which means that she is , obviously, the most lovely child in the world). The other half is giving me teh evil vibes. Rather Ringu like. Or when Willow was Very Bad Indeed and her eyes went all black. Please make it stop. Thankyou.

Boz said...

Amazing! How exciting. And Aardman meeting? Squee!

Almost a shame about the sex addiction thing though, which could have been called "Not Like That, Like This!".

And the exclamation mark would be mandatory.

Which shows why I should never be involved in a) sex and b) writing TV shows.

Tim Footman said...

If in the next 18 months I come across (not like that) a TV show in which the central character whose fatal flaw is a compulsion to have sex with owls, I will nod wisely to myself.

Of course, you could call it Doctor Woo Woo.

Fat Roland said...

I keep thinking of Dear John and the woman who always asked "have you any... sexual problems?"

ScroobiousScrivener said...

Awesome, such awesomeness. But - another child imminent? How did I miss that? Woo yay! etc.

Benjamin Russell said...

Owls are, indeed, SO IN RIGHT NOW (man, that makes me giggle), that I hear they're thinking of having the retro flashback thing to having Owls being in AGAIN, but in a post-ironic, hipster way, immediately after Owls are In, which is a great idea but might be a confusing transition.

Everyone here has, of course, already seen the picture of the 11 Doctors drawn as owls, so I shan't bother to link to it.

GreatSheElephant said...

Do you have any awesome to spare? If so, I could do with a bit please as I'm rather short at the moment.

james henry said...

I have enough awesome for EVERYONE. Form an orderly clue.

BR: I can't see the Doctor Who owls enough times, they're lovely.

patroclus said...

Scroobious: Yes, no. 2 due on August 20th, it is an boy one this time.

asta said...

Wicked awesome.