Monday, January 25, 2010

Also: 'Guhhhhh'

I'm making a lightning visit to London next this week, and will be attending five different meetings on Thursday (I believe my agent may have mistaken my calender for some kind of Tetris-style game, where you have to squish as many coloured blocks together as possible) and then one big one (for Campus) on Friday.

The Thursday meetings are a bit of a concern, frankly, as I haven't been out of Cornwall for a few months, and when you're working from home and co-looking after a small child, your conversational gambits tend to get pared down to the very essentials. Currently, I have been getting by with the the following:

1. Ohhhh, someone has done a pooble.
2. Yes please I would like a cup of tea.
3. I think it's your turn to do its stinking nap-nap.
4. I'm terribly sorry, that meal had a lot of onions in it.
5. Pasty?

6. Yay, it's that Timbaland video where he pulls faces at vampires.

Which is all fine, until you try and step outside those strict parameters, like when your friends come round, and all you can say is 'buhhhhh' and 'wine good'. So I'm having to psyche myself up for the meetings a bit, especially as the last one is about that sitcom Patroclus and I wrote, so it would be a shame if it went:

PRODUCER: We've read the script, we like it, and were seriously thinking of giving you some money for it. What are your thoughts?
ME: (wisely): Ohhh, someone has done a pooble.

Seriously though, I love that Timbaland video. I'm starting to think no human could really gurn like that, he must be animatronic. Did you know you can download most YouTube videos by replacing the 'y' in the URL with a '3'? Most useful.


patroclus said...

It's entirely possible that all the way through that video, Timbaland is secretly thinking "Ohhhh, someone has done a pooble". This is the only explanation I can think of for his facial expressions.

Vicus Scurra said...

I think that you will find that list of phrases a little too highbrow for the typical business meeting.

Rebecca said...

I find the online interactions between the two of you so amusing. Are your computers across the house from each other? That's probably wise.

Maybe, if you get the sitcom going, you should brainstorm by Skype. You don't want to strain the relationship at this late date by too much togetherness, right?

In any case, thanks so much for that youtube tip. I was using a much more convoluted process to get those videos. I can't believe I hadn't come across it before because, believe me, I looked.

Good luck with your meetings.

Boz said...

If you went too far the other way though, and turn up all serious and corporate and shiny, all things would be out of kilter and the universe would explode.

"Let's stick a pin in that, and put it to one side for this quarter."

I just can't see words like these issuing forth form your mouth.

spacemonkey said...

Wait... Which of them was a vampire? And why was the woman from Allo Allo there at the end? WE NEED ANSWERS!!

Stuart said...

Hi James,

I have three meetings in London on Thursday so we might meet each other in passing. Say hi to everyone at Campus for me.


james henry said...

*waves at Stuart*

Hello dude, let's practice our 'cuh' expressions on our respective trains...

Boz: I did once hear myself say 'well what I'll do is take that idea and ringfence it'. I don't even know what that means!

Spacemonkey: I thought Timbaland was supposed to be a cat person, and he was teaming up with the Allo Allo lady (I thought that too) to fight the vampires, but the Japanese bloke, who I thought was a vampire, was a cat person. So in conclusion, I think the director had given up by the time the special effects were added, poor chap.

Jayne said...

Oh god. Please don't try and explain music videos until the kitten is at least 25 and your brain has begun to recover. Am now more confused than ever. Good gurning though.

PK said...

I can empathise. Once had three meetings in a day. I hadn't been out of the house in 18 months, during which time the only thing I was adept at was changing nappies. Had to learn how to do handshakes all over again, and how to say that word, you now that word when you meet people for the first time...what the hell is it?
Gah, it's gone.

Word verification "metic"??? To unvomit? Ugh.

Boz said...

So - what happened? Were the meetings good, did you survive, were our streets paved with the rumoured gold or just mired in pooble?


james henry said...

I survived, and the meetings were good. Can probably say more about that next week, but we are currently entering a delicate period of negotiation. Or rather, Agent Matt is, I'm just eating toast and watching Lady Gaga videos.

Boz said...


Excellent work, Agent Blue.

Imo said...

If you had actually come out with the comment:-

Ohhhh, someone has done a pooble.

at the Campus meeting, they probably noted it down as a good line to use!

Does this mean Campus is being commissioned? Yay

And fingers crossed for the joint bluecat writing project - I hope it gets taken up.

Chris said...

Ah, saw this on tv the other day and thought of you, he's doing it again and tricking Katy Perry into copying him too... (sorry it's not a youtube link there didn't seem to be a nice simple version of it). It is quite possible then that Katy Perry is a robot, would this go to explain the whole Russell Brand engagement?

james henry said...

He also does some great faces in the 'Say it Right' video, which is where I started to get obsessed with his gurning. I think the vampire one might be the peak though.