Here's a thing I have to sort out: I've been writing a couple of spec film treatments lately (which is to say, nobody asked me to write them, I was just footling around with some ideas, which turned into something quite filmy). Which is fine, but the minute you start passing them on to producers, you get asked the same question:
Q: So what sort of budget is this?
And apparently, the following answers are unacceptable:
1. I don't know, you work it out. Don't you have people for this?
2. Somewhere between a hundred thousand, and eighty million pounds.
3. I know, let's make up a number, then add another million and split that extra bit between us *wink wink*.
4. Does it matter? It'll never get made anyway, I just want some cash for doing the typing.
5. *rolls twelve sided dice* Nine! Is that too high? I can roll it again. One. Dammit! Best of three?
All of which reminds me of something I may have mentioned before, but it stands repeating. I had a meeting with a producer from quite a well-known British film production company (which narrows it down to two).
We talked about my concept for a while, but it became apparent the producer wasn't going to be happy until I'd described it in terms he could understand. As in 'It's Film A crossed with Film B'.
ME: Fine, it's like 'Unbreakable' crossed with 'Labyrinth'.
The producer's eyes light up, he goes to his computer, goes to imbd.com and types in each film in turn, then goes to 'Box Office Figures'. He then swivels the screen round so I can see it.
ME: Fair enough.