Thursday, January 29, 2009

Note to self:

When attempting to make coconut macaroons, best to check you haven't let the cookbook slip a couple of pages while your back is turned. Otherwise, you get to the bit about piping the mixture out on to a backing tray and think "arse, I don't remember that, and I haven't got a piping thing" and just spoon it onto the tray in dollops instead. Also, make sure you've enough eggs, or you'll have to use one, where it says two.

That way, when you finally put the thing in the oven, you'll be spared looking back at the unopened bag of dessicated coconut on the worktop and wondering how they didn't make it into the list of ingredients.

All this also reminds me of working at Waterstone's, when one year I got really bored, and decided to make coconut squares for everyone. Cue me handing a small bag of coconut squares to the new girl, who was Irish, and had a large mole on her top lip.

ME: hello, I made some coconut squares.

MOLEY-LIP IRISH girl takes the bag and peers in it doubtfully.

MOLEY-LIP IRISH: So are you gay then?

ME: (feebly) No.

SHE DIDN'T EVEN SAY THANK YOU.



Update: THE RESULTS ARE IN. Oh blimey.


macaroons

I arranged a couple rather prettily on a plate, and brought them upstairs for my loved one.

PATROCLUS: They look like-

ME: THEY DO NOT LOOK LIKE TURDS.


16 comments:

Valerie said...

I think you still get points for baking cookies. Maybe even points for making Patch laugh her ass off...

They do look like turds. Kind of impressively. Well, like turds covered in sugar. Like you do.

Valerie said...

Hmmm. Tone of voice doesn't come across in comments. "Like you do" was meant to sound as "Like ya DO...", not "Like YOU do."

If that helps at all. Probably not. But, to the best of my knowledge, you do not look like a turd covered in sugar. Correct me if I'm wrong.

james henry said...

I'm reasonably hopeful that I don't.

patroclus said...

*Now* I'm laughing my arse off.

Boz said...

I have never baked a coconut square. Another item to add to the list of things that make me a bad gay.

I'm pants at any kind of biscuit. They always merge while baking, so I end up with one giant but thinly spread layer of burn. So you're doing much better than me.

Kirses said...

they do look like turds

james henry said...

Boz: have you got a fan oven? Because they get hotter than normal ovens, and I find you have to turn them down a bit, or put things in for a shorter time to compensate.

Kirses: they do a bit. Also second down on the right looks like failed owl. And the one below that looks like a fat mouse, throwing up.

patroclus said...

The one at top right looks a bit like a squirrel.

Valerie said...

The bottom left one looks like a quizzical cow.

Which unfortunately leaves me thinking of turds again.

Annie said...

Now I'm laughing too.

But why the coconut obsession?

james henry said...

I should point out that the coconut squares incident was about eight years ago now. And I left the coconut out of the current batch of macaroons. So if it is an obesession, it's quite a weak oe.

Kevin said...

Did you pass them through the stomach of a small bird before serving? Even if they tasted like an orgasm in my mouth I still couldn't eat that ... wait ... scratch that simile.

Tim Footman said...

I'm sure they taste much nicer without the coconut, and the Kitten is proof of your utter notgayness.

But they do look like turds.

Jayne said...

To be precise, they look like those white dog turds you don't see anymore. So that's where they went...

patroclus said...

Cacaroons!

Anonymous said...

My sister and I were at my dad's house when we were younger and made the most delicious fudge. Yummy. But when it came to us being picked up by our mum we realised that he didn't have anything to put them in, so we put handfulls of the brown squidge that can only be described as fecal in appearance into the cleanest bin bag we could find. Queue our mother's horror as we hold up the black plastic to say look what we made! Revolting looking but oh so tasty!

Hope your cooking was as tasty as ours! Here's to poo-looking treats! Um...

CIMH