Even before my screenplay for Hero Trip first burst upon the film-making world like a flaming papery meteor, I had always known that the world of telly was simply too small to contain my ambitions, my dreams, my vision.
It's hard to quantify just how much bigger and more important film is than television, unless you work out exactly how many times the average dur-box (as those of us unfortunate to have been shackled to the industry for long enough must call it) fits into the average cinema screen, in which case film is approximately three hundred and umpty two times better than television**, a fact easily backed up by scientists saying things like 'Well it just is'. And most television is just, what, people striding about solving crimes? Pah. See also 'Cuh.
Some may think it unfortunate that such a throbbingly vital piece of word-art (is there a screen truly big enough to contain such majesty?) was sent out to The Americanian States just in time for the Writers Guild of Americania to go all strikey, but not I. In fact I can now reveal that the WGA asked me specifically to release the beast as such a crucial time - knowing that to have such a work left stranded and voidy by the Networks' refusal to simply 'stop being silly' would leave them with little choice but to conclude the strike as amicably and quickly as possible. Rumours that the networks caved the second HT landed on their desks, and that fake negotiations are continuing only to let that stupid Caveman sitcom just blimmin' die already are, I can also reveal, totally true.
In the meantime however, the film rewrite offers are coming in, only confirming my suspicions that the television big enough to contain me has simply never been built. I will remain fond of that part of my past, of course I will, and I must be careful not to openly snub my less fortunate colleague who remain shackled to the shit-cube, but at the end of the day, I think we all know I was destined for greater things.
I phone a film producer, just like that, wondering briefly if I should have a separate phone for my new film producer chums, something that would twinkle prettily on the red carpet and stand its own when I'm hanging out with Olly Kurosawa and Nev Bergman and that other one. Film Producer mentions the amount of money he has available in his budget for a rewrite. It is less than half the amount I received the previous week for a script polish on a televison pilot about a team of people who stride about solving crimes.
I've always been passionate about television.