Friday, May 14, 2010

In London, I punched a man in the balls.

What it was was, I have these new trainers, which were cheap, but apparently of slightly different sizes, and halfway up Charing Cross Road my right foot wobbled, and I shouted 'Woo!' and my left hand went to steady myself in an 'ooh, I can't walk in flats' sort of way, and I accidentally punched a bloke who was slightly behind and to the left of me, the Clegg to my Cameron, right in the Boswells.

I froze, and said, gosh, and I'm terribly sorry, but he instantly straightened up and said cuh, and not to worry and continued on his way. LONDON MAN I SALUTE YOU.

Then later, after a nice lemony drink with my agent, I was asked for direction by THREE sets of female persons, first a trio of Eastern European teenagers, who wanted a big Primark, which I didn't know about, but when I pointed the way to the big Oxford Street TopShop they all jumped up and down shouting ''TOPSHOP! TOPSHOP!' so I think that was fine. Next were two quite posh french girls who wanted to know the way to'a Underground', and finally one more female type person who allowed me to utter that sentence most chaps spend their whole lives dreaming about uttering: 'Young lady, I will help you find the modelling agency for which you have an important interview'.

And there were meetings, which were great, but frankly the street-based was just as much fun AND TO THINK I NEARLY CUT MY HAIR EARLIER THIS WEEK. In the end I did not, and it was the right choice.

4 comments:

extemporanea said...

I was wandering innocently down a Cape Town pavement once, and someone in front of me made an expansive gesture and punched me in the eye, I don't know if that counts as some kind of karmic balance? Either that or we have to simply assume that big cities are dangerous. Or that humanity is innately homicidal.

Imo said...

Do young females only ask directions of men who have the right length hair? I never knew that.

Boz said...

We're Londonders. We can take a little bit of rough and tumble boisterous pedestrian play.

Khyan said...

OK, so I know this is technically spamming, James, but I'm gonna go ahead and post this link to an article I wrote covering a similar theme. I'm sorry http://awkwardhoward.com/how-to-recover-from-accidentally-touching-someones-genitals/