PATROCLUS: Eurgh, the cat keeps putting her nose in my
ME: You should go to the doctor. You'd be all 'Doctor Doctor... dunno, some Doctor Doctor joke. Doctor Doctor I have conjunctivitis, no wait, that would be his line.
PATROCLUS: If the cat put her butt in my
ME: Would it?
PATROCLUS: Yes, because it's a conjunction.
ME: What's a conjunction?
PATROCLUS: The word 'but' is an example of a conjunction. It can join two sentences together.
*some brainstorming results*
Finally:
ME: So, if the cat were to put, not her nose, but her other end, in your
PATROCLUS: Yes.
ME: Go to sleep.
Some few minutes later.
PATROCLUS: My 'ands' ('hands') have no 'pause' ('paws')
ME: You have to stop drinking coffee late at night.
Eye, not mouth. Honestly.
ReplyDeleteWait, that would make more sense.
ReplyDeleteHeh heh...'eye'...'subjectivitis' (one for Rob there).
ReplyDeleteAlso, potential for a side-splitting 'subjunctivitis' joke:
Doctor, Doctor - I keep wishing I were somewhere else...
Etc.
Frankly it's amazing I don't have a successful career in comedy.
How does it smell?
ReplyDeleteThrough its olfactory membranes (you're right SV, the old ones are de best).
ReplyDeleteEr... um... something about you both being "Litertray Geniuses?"
ReplyDeleteAw Richard, your words always leave me feline great.
ReplyDeleteThese days, I get more excited by the interplay of grammatical pedantry and eye disease than by the other kind of blog. Although of course I don't know what kind of blog you're talking about.
ReplyDeleteAre two clauses separated by a glaucomma?
Oh, well done.
ReplyDeleteOh purr-lease.
ReplyDeleteThat's enough aqueous humour now.
ReplyDeleteThese puns are just getting cornea
ReplyDeleteI don't know how you people can sleep at night.
ReplyDeleteClearly Patroclus can't, in fact, which on this evidence is only right and proper.
ReplyDeleteI once met a real live Dr Doctor. I swear he must have changed it by deed poll or summat...
ReplyDeleteDoes the cat also have a subordinate claws?
ReplyDeleteI can't believe I just thought 'hmm, that conjunctionitis joke would work just as well with the word 'fur', if you got a Northern Irelander to tell it.'
ReplyDeleteI think I might go and lie down now and stop bothering the populace with terrible cat/eye disease/grammar puns.
This is presumably why Mr and Mrs Shakespeare lived apart.
ReplyDeleteIf the cat's name is Eurgh, you either have one comma too many or one too few.
ReplyDelete1. Eurgh the cat just put her nose in my eye.
2. Eurgh, the cat, just put her nose in my eye.
If the cat's name is something other than Eurgh, please disregard the above, except to note that Eurgh is a rather interesting name for a cat.