Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Why I write alone, or in a group, but not with one other person.

INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT (don't get excited, it's not that kind of blog)

PATROCLUS: Eurgh, the cat keeps putting her nose in my mouth eye.

ME: You should go to the doctor. You'd be all 'Doctor Doctor... dunno, some Doctor Doctor joke. Doctor Doctor I have conjunctivitis, no wait, that would be his line.

PATROCLUS: If the cat put her butt in my mouth eye, that would be Conjunctionitis.

ME: Would it?

PATROCLUS: Yes, because it's a conjunction.

ME: What's a conjunction?

PATROCLUS: The word 'but' is an example of a conjunction. It can join two sentences together.

*some brainstorming results*

Finally:

ME: So, if the cat were to put, not her nose, but her other end, in your mouth eye, you would then be within your rights to say 'Doctor Doctor (the surname of the Doctor in this scenario being presumably 'Doctor'), the cat keeps putting her 'butt' (which sounds like the word 'but', although it is spelled differently) in my mouth eye, and thus I have grown concerned I have 'Conjunctionitis', which is similar to the illness 'conjunctivitis', but more of a play on grammar pedantry'.

PATROCLUS: Yes.

ME: Go to sleep.

Some few minutes later.

PATROCLUS: My 'ands' ('hands') have no 'pause' ('paws')

ME: You have to stop drinking coffee late at night.

19 comments:

patroclus said...

Eye, not mouth. Honestly.

james henry said...

Wait, that would make more sense.

patroclus said...

Heh heh...'eye'...'subjectivitis' (one for Rob there).

Also, potential for a side-splitting 'subjunctivitis' joke:

Doctor, Doctor - I keep wishing I were somewhere else...

Etc.

Frankly it's amazing I don't have a successful career in comedy.

Salvadore Vincent said...

How does it smell?

james henry said...

Through its olfactory membranes (you're right SV, the old ones are de best).

Richard said...

Er... um... something about you both being "Litertray Geniuses?"

james henry said...

Aw Richard, your words always leave me feline great.

Tim Footman said...

These days, I get more excited by the interplay of grammatical pedantry and eye disease than by the other kind of blog. Although of course I don't know what kind of blog you're talking about.

Are two clauses separated by a glaucomma?

patroclus said...

Oh, well done.

james henry said...

Oh purr-lease.

patroclus said...

That's enough aqueous humour now.

Staple Remover said...

These puns are just getting cornea

Delurker Dan said...

I don't know how you people can sleep at night.

Orb said...

Clearly Patroclus can't, in fact, which on this evidence is only right and proper.

Kelly said...

I once met a real live Dr Doctor. I swear he must have changed it by deed poll or summat...

llewtrah said...

Does the cat also have a subordinate claws?

patroclus said...

I can't believe I just thought 'hmm, that conjunctionitis joke would work just as well with the word 'fur', if you got a Northern Irelander to tell it.'

I think I might go and lie down now and stop bothering the populace with terrible cat/eye disease/grammar puns.

nanga parbat said...

This is presumably why Mr and Mrs Shakespeare lived apart.

Frank said...

If the cat's name is Eurgh, you either have one comma too many or one too few.

1. Eurgh the cat just put her nose in my eye.

2. Eurgh, the cat, just put her nose in my eye.

If the cat's name is something other than Eurgh, please disregard the above, except to note that Eurgh is a rather interesting name for a cat.