On the way into the office this morning I was humming the theme to 'Superman' (because there's a song on a Sufjan Stevens album called 'Man of Steel' or something), and I got to the 'da da DAAAAA!' bit, and turned right, and realized I had gone 'da da DAAAAA!' into the face of Alan Sugar.
He smiled at me bemusedly, and I kept going for a bit (it occured to me that his show, 'The Dragon's Apprentice Factor' is based in the old Green Wing offices now, so I suppose we could have had a chat, I could have given him a bit of advice on where the spare key for the stationery cupboard is), then I thought about turning back and explaining that I wasn't singing the Superman theme at him, I don't think he's like Superman in any way, and the smile he gave me made me think perhaps he thought I thought he was in some way a Superman to me, which he isn't. Clearly he is more of a mini-Lex Luthor, and if I think of him (Alan) at all, which I hadn't up until that point, that is how I would shelve him, mentally.
(The original Superman, by the way, back when he started in the nineteen hrumpties, used to smash up evil slumlords, wifebeaters, corrupt politicians and smarmy businessmen, although that's obviously a bit dodgy at the moment, with the current goverment, so currently he seems to be sticking to alien fiends and evil versions of himself).
But then I thought, well, I don't know him at all, and it's not fair to be rude to someone based on the fact that they smiled at you in the street, so instead I picked up my pace again and went on my way, and in fact, for smiling at a stranger in a foyer, Alan Sugar, I salute you.
UPDATE: oh, apparently he's not that nice. Tch.
If my crystal ball had been functioning properly and not away at the menders, I'd have asked you to ask him from me; why, on his latest ad for Premium Bonds, does he think we want to look in his ear and up his nose quite so much? Or is that a production issue? Oh, and a close up of his hands ... why?
ReplyDeleteStill, it was nice of him to smile at you.
Name dropper.
ReplyDeleteOh, and next time you see him, could you let him know that I could really make good use of £1m at the moment, so if he could just see his way to arranging for my Premium Bond number to come up...
Ta.
God, you're smooth...
ReplyDeleteWhat I want to know is does Alan Sugar invest in premium bonds himself. If he doesn't, why is he banging on about them so much. And if he does why does he want to be a millionare.
ReplyDeleteIt's all so confusing.
This is all good stuff - I shall try and make a list of questions to ask Alan next time our paths meet (probably when he leaps out of the little alley next to Talkback and shouts the Batman theme Der ner de ner de ner de ner BATMAN! in my face).
ReplyDeleteThen we'll both go and do Spider-man at Richard Branson. Excellent, that's Thursday sorted.
It's SIR Alan, you ingrate peasants.
ReplyDeleteAnd don't you forget it or SIR Alan might pop by your houses. You know the sort of thing; "Oh, what a very nice vase. That must be worth a lot of money... oh dear, butterfingers me."
Obviously I am not suggesting that SIR ALan is remotely like that.
I am, however, remaining anonymous.
I'm ashamed to say I left of the 'Sir' deliberately, as I don't believe in it. We did an event with Roy Strong in the bookshop once and were told by his publicist that he must be addressed as 'Sir' Roy Strong at all costs - so obviously we took enormous delight in calling him 'Roy' or 'Mister Strong' as much as possible.
ReplyDeleteBen Kingsley can fuck off and all, even if he is very good at doing different voices.
I wish there was an actual political principle behind this, but I'm afraid it's just bolshiness.
'Cup of tea, Strongy?' we would chirp, in deliberately cockneyfied voices.
ReplyDeleteI wonder what Sir Ben would actually do to you if you did just call him Benji or the like. Would he have you put in the stocks?
ReplyDeleteI'm surprised he's not had his name changed to King Bensley, just to avoid any confusion as to his exalted-ness.
ReplyDeleteLike Henry James, the writer, did, you mean?
ReplyDeleteNice one Dave!
ReplyDeleteI thank you, Doctor.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, about my kidney stone...
well he may be nasty, but his divine sugarness was nice - or at least ok, to YOU, sir james, which is all you can go on really, innit? so now when people bang on about how horrid he is, you can go, 'oh reeeeally - i found him perfectly chaaaarming, myself. but roy strong! too too common, m'dear.'
ReplyDeletefor some reason, in my head, alan sugar is inextricably linked with the moomins. i couldn't say why, exactly.
ReplyDelete"The Man From Metropolis Steals Our Hearts" by Sufjan Stevens. Apparently, Superman originally appeared on the cover art to the album -- called, unmetropolitanly, Illinoise -- but was removed, probably upon threat of lawsuit. Much like the recent threat against Ducth group Beatfreakz.
ReplyDeleteBlimey, there's a mini-mp3 blog a-spontaneously generatin' in my comments section. Cracking song though. In fact that whole album is a highly recommended thing. Good work benjamin r.
ReplyDeleteWHERE'S PATROCLUS?
ReplyDeleteShe has taken upon herself the cloak of stealth and melted into the night, to become a rumour, a whisp, a thing-that-should-not-be. When it is safe, she will make the secret sign, and an army of blogger will arise, o yea, and throw all the advertisers into the sea (apart from cello, who's lovely).
ReplyDeleteAlternatively, she's now over at quadrireme.blogspot.com
You're always safer singing the theme from Raiders of the Lost Ark.
ReplyDeleteSir Alan has just walked past my desk. Part of me wants to follow him round the building singing a superhero theme medley. If ever there was a time for 'Sugarman' the sweetest hero of all, I think it's now.
ReplyDeleteOoh top work pugh, I saw him just a minute ago. This is all very exciting.
ReplyDeleteLook out pugh, James is *in the room with you!*
ReplyDeleteYou know they're really nice if they start singing along...
ReplyDelete