5:10 - Wake up. No sign of Alan. Feel oddly relieved.
10:01 - Get into office - still no sign of Alan.
10:27 - Consider walking past office where Alan might be.
10:28 - Worry I might be taking this too far.
10:30 - Nah, he's not there.
10:34 - Maybe he's poorly.
10:35 - Mmm... almond croissant.
10:40 - Realize the sweet sweet pasty only makes me think of Alan more.
10:41 - Typing 'Alan more' makes me think of 'Alan Moore'. Shall I get that 'Lost Girls' thing he's just done? Dunno, looks a bit pervy. And quite expensive.
11:14 - Mournfully hum 'Superman' theme to self. No Alan.
11:15 - Start to worry about being banned from Talkback. Fuck it, they only make programmes about houses these days anyway.
12:05 - A tee-shirted man comes into office 'looking for sugar...' It's commenter Pugh! He reports no sign of Alan. Or his 'big car'. The plot thickens (with sugar).
13:44 - Confirm that Alan is not in Richard's Megastore (GW2 top place in the TV DVD charts), or nearby eaterie Julia's Meadow. AlCon now set at 'Reduced Sugar'.
14.20- He's not in the lego department in Hamley's either.
15.06 - Producer asks if I've sent scenes bundled as one document, to producer's mac address. In fact I have sent scenes individually to a different address. Oh Alan, why hast thou forsaken me?
16:49 - No Alan.
* Sir Alan Sugar's fee for appearing in these posts has been donated to charity.
ReplyDeleteSips tea
ReplyDeleteStares at Screen
Waits for all hell to break loose in mass Blogger flash-mobbing of Talkback building
Is jealous of Croissant
Forgive me for my lack of technological knowledge but you're not just wandering the corridors, with a vague air of meloncholy, typing into your laptop are you?
ReplyDeleteI am sitting in the corridor next to a huge pile of beets, hoping that like attracts like.
ReplyDeleteIf you were a proper stalker you'd be hiding under the pile of beets, ready to leap out and sing the Superman song when Seralan appears. So that's alright then.
ReplyDeleteBearing in mind his Sid James resemblance, I've spent the morning on one of the talkback roof terraces dressed as Babs Windsor, doing exercises. It hasn't attracted him yet but can't get rid of Bernard Bresslaw.
ReplyDelete*revises mental image of Pugh*
ReplyDeleteStrangest thing happened. Went down to see James, entered the room and was greeted by Sir Alan, in an armchair stroking an Amstrad email phone. He was laughing maniacally and drinking brandy from a cats skull. The evil puppet-master.
ReplyDelete** but he doesn't like to talk about it.
ReplyDelete"Some people call it stalking - I call it 'selective walking'" - Otis Lee Crenshaw
Ha ha!
ReplyDeleteI think I know why you cannot find him.
Suralan is playing a very fine game of 'Sugar Syrup'
- travelling around the building in a variety of unusual wig-based disguises.
Stay on your guard, James and Pugh - there may be a Sugar Substitute in the building.
ReplyDelete"there may be a Sugar Substitute in the building"
ReplyDeleteSir Alan Saccharine?
or
ReplyDeleteSir Alan Acesulfame Potassium
Well maybe he's gone on a diet and is not Sir Alan Sucralose ! Or maybe not
ReplyDeleteWhy not set a "honey trap?"
ReplyDelete"He's not in the lego department in Hamley's either."
ReplyDeleteHave you checked the local top-class drinking establishments?
Maybe he's on a diet, reducing his sugar content by making himself very small, and therefore difficult to perceive by the naked eye.
ReplyDeletePlease don't be despondent James. Seralan, as a Peer of the Realm, may have been unavoidably absent on a Secret Mission Of National Importance.
ReplyDeletePossibly involving the night train to Istanbul, sinister border control guards and Kendal mint cake.
If nothing else, after a week of this you'll have the next Bridget Jones novel...
ReplyDelete