Monday, July 28, 2008

It was the toast.

Kate Beaton's comics are the shizz, and have reminded me that I should start blogging again, even though July and August are weird months for writing, because every fecker is off on holiday, so I spend a lot of those months saying 'tum te tum', and sighing.

Except that in an unprecedented turn of events, I have been given lots of work to do from today onwards! I was so excited I immediately fell asleep. But I will start it properly tomorrow.

THE EMBARRASSING PREGNANCY STORIES BEGIN

Patroclus and I were at the maternity bit of the hospital, having the Blue Kitten scanned.

SCANNING LADY: Well, the brain is very slightly smaller than is usual at this point.

ME: Eek.

SCANNING LADY: However, her legs are slightly longer than is normal.

PATROCLUS: We have made a bimbo.

ME: What if she turns out to be blonde as well? SHE COULD NEVER SURVIVE IN THE REAL WORLD!

PATROCLUS: I'm sure she's fine.

SCANNING LADY frowns at the screen, on which there appears to be some motion.

SCANNING LADY: Now she appears to be punching herself in the face.

We all look at the scanner. Blue Kitten does indeed appear to be punching herself in the face.

ME: Hmm.

12 comments:

Hayley said...

I wouldn't worry. When my mum went for her scan whilst pregnant with my brother they told her that he had no brain and wouldn't survive much past birth.

Then they just told her to bugger off, but thankfully a nurse asked her why she was so upset, marched her back to have another ultrasound and discovered my brother did have a brain after all. He is now sixteen.

Actually, I'm still not convinced he has a brain, but he is alive and well nevertheless.

Anonymous said...

ah thank you - that made me laugh at the end of a rubbish day.

now...more stories!! (demanding, moi?) some of us are stuck at work all through these summer months :o(
laughs, must have laughs...

james henry said...

*waits patiently for something funny to happen*

spence said...

Be thankfully its a girlie Blue Kitten, yesterday my 8 year old son wanted to dig up the cat to look at the bones!

spence said...

Bugger, that should be thankful!

BlackLOG said...

I wish my aging Kitten, now aged 12 years (I guess at that age and weighing in at over a stone, some might say that the description "kitten" might possibly be pushing it a little) would dig up a few things. Quite frankly this kitty could do with the exercise.

I'm not sure if the low point was when someone asked if "he" was pregnant or when the Vet got me to speak to the Animal Dietician about him. She certainly looked like she was an authority on weight, just did not appear to have much knowledge on the " how to lose any of it" part of the equation.

james henry said...

Patroclus's actual cat, known as 'Minkus' or 'that pooing machine' seems to have lost a bit lately, helped by us moving to a house with a) stairs, and b) a garden. I don't know if that helps.

BlackLOG said...

Sadly not.

McG (a.k.a. Big Mac) has access to both stairs and a garden in his little world. He wakes up, goes down stairs to have breakfast and then squeezes out of the cat flap for approx 30 seconds (I thought cats were meant to Poo in next doors garden) before falling asleep after all the effort. Miraculously waking up just in time for his dinner. He then goes out for another 30 seconds before heaving himself back upstairs (I wonder if we should invest in a "Stanna" for him) and promptly falls into a coma like sleep on my side of the bed.

Repeat on a daily basis

llewtrah said...

So when will we get the online version of arguments over whose legs it got and whose brain?

rivergirlie said...

i expect she could hear what you were saying. looks like she's rather intelligent already ...

james henry said...

I'm hoping she'll be a massive geek. But you can't predict these things apparently.

Maud said...

The last line made me laugh like a mad thing. Whoops, I'm at work, better keep it down.