Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Silly

More statues are going missing across the country with 'Increasing demand for copper behind theft'. They should be careful though. Clearly he's really really strong.

Or they're walking of their own accord. Even as we speak, giant Henry Moore statues are sitting quietly in museum coffee shops, wearing big-brimmed summer hats and discreetly sipping coffee.

You know that bit in news programs where they turn to a man in a suit for 'more details'? I could totally do that.

14 comments:

Who is this Dave? said...

I was going to suggest they send for Ironside, but then i realised that would reveal too much about my age, and none of you youngsters would get it anyway.

So clearly I haven't posted this comment, someone must be impersonating me.

surly girl said...

the image of henry moore statues in coffee shops is very disturbing, for some reason. thanks for that. cue screaming nightmares (really, this will happen. i have that sort of mind).

Steve Dix said...

It's Geoff Capes!! He was a copper!!

flossie said...

A bit like surly girl, I find the image of the statues in coffee shops rather Doctor Who-ish.

In other thoughts - is there a copper shortage I wasn't aware of? What do they need it for? Bright copper kettles? Will they be stealing warm woollen mittens next? THE SOUND OF MUSIC THIEVES! I'VE CRACKED IT!

james henry said...

So just going by the comments so far, we have Ironside chasing Geoff Capes (and presumably a team of budgies) who are stealing statues to melt down into kettles, with police surveillance now ordered on all knitwear shops, possibly with Doctor Who involved.

Making up stuff is fun.

Who is this Dave? said...

Watch out for a spate of brown paper packages, tied up with string.

Oh, and people going round cutting the whiskers off kittens.

Steve Dix said...

I could tell you a story of vandals cutting up very expensive copper underwater cables (before they were put underwater, obviously) for Royal Navy magnetic ship ranges, just before the first Saddam thing.

But I'd have to kill you afterward.

Oh. Damn. Hello? Is that MI5? Yes. James Henry. In Cornwall. Make it look like writer's cramp.

TRT said...

I reckon it's the BFG. He looks like a shifty, pikey git to me...


(nightmares for me tonight. Again.)

occasional poster of comments said...

You should *so* be one of those special correspondents.

"And now over to James Henry for the surreal perspective on tonight's big story..."

Whimsy, nonsense and the like are sorely lacking from today's fact obsessed news programmes.

BiScUiTs said...

Hehe it's all very strange. The thieves should take photos of the statue in different locations around the world and demand a ransom, like the old garden gnome thing. Well, that's what I'd do.

Little wooden spork said...

So, Biscuits if we see a photo of the statue hanging out at the pyramids we'll know who to blame.

Anonymous said...

you could put a insane spin on any story-there would be the ordinary, dull and factual news followed by a short insert by the "special" correspondent, putting your own spin on the days news.
"although the weather girl may blame the rain on an area of low pressure, it is actually the fault of airplanes full of depressed persons who cried so much,the air hostesses had to empty their buckets of tears out the window. more at ten..."

Pashmina said...

I can't belive I know this, but apparently it (the copper*) is some kind of essentail material for making special cables in the far east.

Actually that wasn't much information at all, was it? Phew, my technoignoramus reputation remains intact.


* not my current favourite copper, John Simm, though

james henry said...

This is now turning into 'One Of Our Dinosaurs Is Missing', which was brilliant, although also borderline racist and so forth, ahem.

Look out for a Henry Moore sculpture on a truck, being driven by english nannies and chased by another van of vaguely oriental ruffians. And then it all turns out to be the recipe for won tun soup or something, I forget the details.