Tuesday, January 17, 2006

'Dolphin Carnage'

Saddest imaginable local paper headline.

Unless of course it was the dolphins causing the carnage, stomping ashore in giant robot suits they had painstakingly constructed from kelp and pebbles, playing militaristic (yet oddly soothing) dolphin music whilst rending all the annoying humans limb from limb.

That would be fine.

17 comments:

Who is this Dave? said...

I will now an image of dolphins walking around in Sig. Weaver's power-suit from Aliens whenever I visit the abandoned spaceport that is my beach.

Lee said...

That's a good headline. Doesn't quite beat the Banbury Guardian's "Archbishop backs Nuns in Pub Fight," but, still, a good 'un.

MinCat said...

AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH! *wipes eyes* oh thank you! i needed that

james henry said...

*Borrows Patroclus's Sarcasmometer*

Results inconclusive.

patroclus said...

I was wondering where that had got to.

Steve Dix said...

There's a "Simpsons" episode which has a similar storyline.

Hmm. Word verification : "Bnjhty". Sounds like an indian comic for girls.

james henry said...

*checks Patroclus's statement for sarcasm*

Results inconclusive.



This thing doesn't really work, does it? The manual's singularly unhelpful as well, tending towards aggression...

Also, Lee, that is a cracking headline, almost up their with my friend The Mighty Evans's 'Spate of Wedgings Resumes!' headline.

See also: The Bushes: What's Going On In Them? The answer to which was never made lost. It's like being in Lost, living down here.

Word Verif: 'utwownnq' - didgeridoo test piece

patroclus said...

See also:

Youth Spat On Woman

and

Youth 'Just Freaked Out'

from the mighty Forres Gazette, circa 1989. It was the same youth in both cases, incidentally.

Who is this Dave? said...

'never made lost.' Did you mean never made clear? Got a bit ahead of yourself, and ran into your next sentence?

Oh. Withdraw that implied criticism. I see I missed a whole word out of my earlier comment, and you kindly failed to say anything. Tish.

james henry said...

Tish indeed. Explain 'abandoned spaceport' please, I like the sound of it.

james henry said...

Also, you're quite right D, mt syntax went a bit weird there...

accelerant87 said...

These are the same man eating creatures that infest the beaches of Virginia where Nicole lives...

Who is this Dave? said...

'Abandoned spaceport' - is explained in my blog entry for Monday (which starts with a reference to you/rubbing sand in my head).

James Moran said...

I tore these two out of newspapers myself, so I know they're real:

"Dope case jockey in baby-oil sex romp" (headline, story, and mental image all in one)

"Gay bishops could tear church apart" (with their BIG GAY HANDS)

nanga parbat said...

Ooooh, big gay hands! I'm now laughing my arse off like a nutter in an internet cafe in Bangkok, so thanks for that. Repeats to self as calming mantra "my dog is dead, my dog is dead". Nope, still pretty much cracking up.

cello said...

I didn't have my specs on when I read the heading and thought it said 'Dolphin Carriage' (if you squint you'll see how it happened). So I already had an image of Jane Austen-esque, bonneted dolphins sitting primly in a phaeton or a barouche when I read the post. Which made the subsequent Asbo behaviour even more surreal.

james henry said...

I now want to run down to the United Reform church a few doors down and shout 'LOOK OUT, GAY BISHOPS!'

But the reverend there is friends with my mum, so I'd probably get told off.

Cello: double points for 'barouche'

Readers, do you have either funny headlines or posh words for carriages? If so, send them in.